Name And Shame

Time to get your knives out, people.


For those of you who have joined this site after reading my Amazon reviews - I have some bad news. There isn't going to be any of those for the next few weeks for one simple reason: Amazon are now CHARGING you for the privilege.

That's right, you now actually have to BUY something before you can review things now. Not the actual thing you're reviewing, thank God (seeing as I only review bad things, that would totally suck) but you just have to buy SOMETHING.

Well, I won't bore you with The Curmudgeon's financial state right now, but what with The Wife(tm) being made redundant and us still having a holiday to save up for, not to mention the usual monthly fees - well, we're not exactly living like P Diddy.

So I will buy something from Amazon, but not just yet (oh, in case you're all blubbing into your hankies thinking that poor old Mr and Mrs Curmudgeon are living like Bob Cratchett - don't. The Wife(tm) got a new, better job - she just hasn't been paid yet).

So, what are we going to do now? Simple - we're going to let YOU, loyal Dweller, review something on this very site.

Not just any old thing. Ohh no. The Curmudgeon has always prided himself on having the Official Room 101 of Amazon.com, and so to continue that tradition you have to nominate something awful (or something you consider awful) to be inducted. A pithy excuse or a rant would be most appreciated.

Room 101 awaits....

Dweller Contribution: Invisible Wolfman writes..

Don't buy the upcoming Star Wars DVD Releases!

The Star Wars DVD re-release is almost upon us! You know, the one with the bonus disc that contains the ORIGINAL (as can be) theatrical release for each film! Now, there is a growing divide amongst SW fans out there over many issues surrounding this release. I raised this topic at a DVD trading website where our gracious The Curmudgeon has resided for quite a few years now (which is how we came to know each other for those out there that haven’t followed). I’m actually combining two post as the first one was short while the other one is quite lengthy. Read on, Faithful Dwellers!

Check out the link below for the reasons why NOT to buy the upcoming Star Wars DVD releases!!!!

http://www.thedigitalbits.com/rumormill.html#082406

Again, it's just a ploy for Lucas to milk the SW fans dry as the UE versions will probably contain the Original Trilogy theatrical versions with anamorphic, which is what that link is leaning towards.

Why?

Well, all you're doing IS buying the new crappy versions. The original movies are "bonus discs." Lucas says the originals are just bonus features to bate those out there who want them. Hence why he wants to use 1993 technology.
But Star Wars was never anamorphic, you (or your critics) cry in retort.

Yes. Star Wars WAS anamorphic to begin with. Proof? How about that ANAMORPHIC opening crawl (without the [B]Episode IV: A New Hope[/B] attatched to it) on the EMIRE OF DREAMS documentary included in the 4th disc in the S.E. boxset? Not impressed, huh? That's still not enough proof?

Taken from THE DIGITAL BITS:

5/19/06

We want to take a few moments this morning to post some follow-up thoughts on our Star Wars DVD editorial from yesterday. Since we first posted the DVD transfer information, and especially after our comments of yesterday morning, we've received many hundreds of e-mails from Star Wars fans, home theater enthusiasts and industry insiders (our sincere thanks to all of you for your thoughts), nearly all of whom agree with our sentiments, specifically that if Lucasfilm is going to release the original theatrical versions of the Star Wars films on DVD, they should at least present them in anamorphic widescreen to ensure some semblance of acceptable video quality for fans who may wish to purchase them. Still, a few people felt we were making mountains out of molehills.

Whatever your personal opinions, however, there remains a reality that is hard to deny, which is this: Anamorphic enhancement is the widely accepted industry standard for the presentation of widescreen films on DVD. This is not pie in the sky 'unobtanium' technology that costs untold millions to implement... it's a basic technique that is standard practice on DVD and has been for many years now, since the fairly early days of the DVD format back in 1997. Keep in mind, we're not asking for 4K high-definition presentation at this point. We're simply asking that Lucas - who has in the past been so focused on the quality presentation of his films that he created THX (and the THX certification process) to ensure it - expend a little more effort and money to ensure that the Star Wars DVDs planned for release on 9/12, which are already set to offer the original theatrical versions of these films, offer them in reasonably acceptable video quality that is commensurate to the minimum level that's considered standard for the DVD format today.

Now... we've heard all manner of excuses and contradictory official statements as to why this can't happen:

1) the original film negatives are gone

2) the other existing original elements have deteriorated too badly

3) there are just no quality film elements remaining anywhere that could be used

4) the 1993 laserdisc masters are the best source material that can be found for use on DVD after exhaustive searches of the Lucasfilm Archives, etc.

Some of these excuses run from the unlikely to the absurd, and all of them strike us as publicity machine spin.

We've debunked all of these excuses previously but, for the record, let's do so again:

1) The original negatives are gone, destroyed as part of the process of creating the 1997 special edition versions.

We're inclined to believe this is true. Still, the original negatives are not the only viable elements that can be used to transfer the films for home video release. There are numerous interpositive prints. There are the separation masters. Worst case, there are a number of high quality release prints available. In short, other elements exist that can be used for this purpose.

2) The other existing original elements have deteriorated too badly to be used.

We'll come back to this one in a minute.

3) There are just no quality film elements remaining anywhere that could be used.

See our answer to #1. Even if it's true that Lucas and his staff destroyed all of the original negatives, it's unlikely in the extreme that they also destroyed all of the interpositives, all of the separation masters, and all of the release prints. In fact, we know that they didn't. Where, for example, would the [COLOR="Red"]anamorphic[/COLOR] footage of the original 1977 opening text crawl from A New Hope - the footage that appeared in the Empire of Dreams DVD documentary - have come from if not from quality surviving film elements? Still, even if Lucas did destroy every single scrap of original film available in the Lucasfilm Archives... we know for a fact that high quality die transfer release prints exist in the hands of a number of archives and private collectors. While not ideal, any of these could be given a high-definition transfer, a bit of digital clean-up and color-timing, and could be presented on DVD in anamorphic widescreen in quality that would be superior to a 1993 non-anamorphic laserdisc transfer.

4) The 1993 laserdisc masters are the best source material that can be found for use on DVD after exhaustive searches of the Lucasfilm Archives.

See our answer to #3. This is flatly absurd. If this were true, Lucasfilm's archivists should be ashamed of themselves. We know of few professionals tasked with the preservation of film materials that would allow such critically important film elements as the original Star Wars films to be lost, to deteriorate or be wholesale destroyed. And again, even if Lucasfilm's vaults were so woefully incomplete, we know for a fact that quality elements exist elsewhere. Given 48 hours notice, we could track them down ourselves. Surely, with its significant resources and influence, Lucasfilm could do the same. If the 1993 laserdisc masters are really the best that Lucasfilm can do, it's disturbing. If not, a statement like "We returned to the Lucasfilm Archives to search exhaustively for source material that could be presented on DVD..." seems terribly disingenuous - the corporate PR equivalent of "I'm so sorry, but the dog ate my homework."

But let's get back to #2...

2) The other existing original elements have deteriorated too badly to be used.

It just so happens that one of our regular contributors here at The Bits, the author of our ever illuminating Yellow Layer Failure, Vinegar Syndrome and Miscellaneous Musings column, is something of an expert on the subject of film preservation and restoration. Robert A. Harris, in point of fact, is one of the world's best known motion picture archivists, and has does significant work in this field through his company, Film Preserve. Robert's experiments in color technology and more recent advances in the digital domain have set standards in the industry. His reconstruction and restoration efforts, primarily in the large format field, have brought back to the screen some of the most important films ever produced, including Lawrence of Arabia, Spartacus, My Fair Lady, Vertigo and Rear Window.

We asked Robert what might be done with the original surviving elements of the Star Wars films in order to rejuvenate them and present them in high quality on DVD. Here's what he had to say on the subject:

*******

"Bill Hunt has asked for an opinion regarding the element problems which we have been told exist in the various Star Wars films, and if they might be fixed.

We're aware of the extent of the problems, going back to fading of the original CRI sections - a problem shared with Close Encounters of the Third Kind - as well as the various cuts, re-cuts, etc. which have changed the conformation of the film elements.

Over the past few years we have been experimenting with various means of handling and interrelating differing film elements, and what we have accomplished would enable us to bring Star Wars back to virtually its original state.

In all deference to Lucasfilm, there is no reason that they would be aware of our latest experiments, or how they might apply to Star Wars.

Essentially, the project would be a reconstruction concurrent with restoration.

We can state with absolute certainly that we would be able to deliver fully restored quality elements as might be requested by Lucasfilm, inclusive of a pristine quality high definition video master as well as a full resolution 35mm preservation negative, if so directed.

It would be both a pleasure and a challenge to bring these films back to virtually their original state, and given a proper budget, commensurate with the work entailed, we would be willing to take on the assignment from Lucasfilm, and deliver elements which would make the release of the original trilogy to DVD as startlingly beautiful an event as it should be.

These films are extremely important both cinematically and as cultural icons, and deserve to be seen in the finest quality possible.

RAH"

*********

So there you have it. It seems to those of us here at The Bits, that the only reasonable obstacles to Lucasfilm in releasing the original versions of the Star Wars film on DVD in high-quality are the will do to so and the willingness to spend a reasonable sum of money, such as might be required to get the job done properly. Certainly, any number of existing quality elements could be utilized for the purpose (and digitally cleaned up as needed) without breaking the bank. But considering the cinematic and cultural significance of these films, does it not seem reasonable and prudent to do so?

In any case, we sincerely hope that those in charge at Lucasfilm will reconsider their decision to use lackluster 1993 laserdisc masters to present the original Star Wars films on DVD in 2006. The films deserve better, and we believe it's the right thing to do for the fans. It might require a little more effort, a little more money spent up front. But we have to believe that it would be a significantly profitable enterprise... that countless life-long fans of the original films would thrill at the possibility of finally owning them on DVD in good, reasonable and acceptable quality.

It should be done. It CAN be done.

And consider this one also from THE DIGITAL BITS:

5/23/06

First up today, [URL="http://www.videobusiness.com/article/CA6337246.html"]Video Business[/URL] has just posted a story on the Star Wars DVD issue. There are some quotes and comments in there that are probably going to piss a lot of you off. According to the piece: "[Lucasfilm] felt there was little need to invest resources into sprucing up films that have already been restored to pristine form." Says Lucasfilm spokesperson John Singh: "The late '90s theatrical versions represent George's vision for Star Wars. We hoped that by releasing the original movies as a bonus disc, it would be a way to give the fans something that is fun. We certainly didn't want to be become a source of frustration for fans." Hoooo-boy. Well... so much for that idea. You know what they say: If wishes were horses, we'd all be covered in hoofprints and dung.

The story further indicates that Lucasfilm will be contacting its fans directly (probably via their Star Wars.com website and newsletter) to explain the situation. In other words, their corporate spin machine is about to start telling you why they're doing you such a big favor, and why you shouldn't care that the original versions of these films are being handled so shoddily. ('Cause... you know... it's not like they REALLY exist anymore anyway, right?) And oh, by the way, would you all please quit yer bitching and just fork over another $90 already? Because, you see, George urgently needs to build the Skywalker Ranch - East out in The Hamptons or the Lucasfilm Empire will collapse. And just for you Jedi loyalists, every paying Hyperspace member that owns at least 10 different copies of these films on VHS, Betamax, SelectaVision, Laserdisc, VideoCD, DVD (and eventually HD-DVD, Blu-ray Disc and LucasDigital 3D-matic Download)... gets the EXCLUSIVE opportunity to purchase them all again, this time dipped in 12-karat gold (along with a special bonus disc featuring video of George Lucas telling you why making these movies was all just a big waste of his time and nobody should ever have liked them in the first place)!

We overstate, of course... but only a little. You know... as much money as Lucasfilm rakes in from Star Wars, you think they could treat their fans (and their films) with just a little more respect.

Hhmmmm. This all reminds us of a line from a little art flick we liked back in the day. Lesseeee... we think it went something like...

"Buy more. Buy more now. Buy more and be happy." - THX-1138

Here's more discussions over the facts:

[url]http://www.homemediaretailing.com/news/html/breaking_article.cfm?sec_id=2&&article_ID=9173[/url]

[url]http://www.hometheaterforum.com/htf/showthread.php?t=234933[/url]

[url]http://www.fromscripttodvd.com/star_wars_a_day_long_remembered.htm[/url] **note on this last link the section entitled [B]Dolby Jumps To Hyperspace[/B] as you can see the 35mm print picture containing the ANAMORPHIC SQUEEZE while the 70mm doesn't as it is wider and doesn't need the squeeze**

Oh, and here's Lucasfilms response to the situation:

[url]http://www.originaltrilogy.com/Lucasfilm_PR_response.cfm[/url]

which leads me to show here some pictures to satisfy any curiosities:



Non-anamorphic "The 1993 laserdisc masters are the best source material that can be found for use on DVD after exhaustive searches of the Lucasfilm Archives" picture

[IMG]http://img178.imageshack.us/img178/1417/pdvd000az5.png[/IMG]

Anamorphic 2004 S.E. picture with cleanup

[IMG]http://img209.imageshack.us/img209/5660/pdvd001sn7.png[/IMG]

Bottom line:

If you want these new ones, wait and trade for them. Otherwise, wait for the UE's.

Best Regards,
InvisibleWolfMan

The Doctor Will See You Now...

Go on then - how healthy are YOU?

The Curmudgeon doesn't know what its like elsewhere, but over here in the good ol' U of K we're all in a bit of a health panic.

Our kids are too fat! We're too fat! We don't exercise! We use too much salt!

On and on and on. The thing is, I kinda admit that my diet sucks. I don't eat the right things, I don't exercise - basically everything I should do - I don't. It's not like I have a Super Size Me diet, but, see, I am a notoriously fussy eater. Hoo boy, you wouldn't believe it. You name it - I don't eat it.

I try to compensate though, by not eating vegetables, I eat a fair bit of fruit and I drink a fair bit of milk (not BA Baracus standards or anything) and hey, I had a complete medical check-up a few months ago and passed with flying colours, so I must be doing something right). And anyone who's lucky enough to have caught sight of a pic of The IHM will know I'm not exactly fat. I don't smoke, don't do drugs and, whilst I've been known to get absolutely wasted with booze, it's not nearly half as much as I used to a few years back (oh my poor liver..).

Regardless, it's hard not to get worried about it all, especially with the media blitz telling us we're basically all doomed by a death by Burger King. So - this is where you 'fess up, to The Fortress and to yourself - just how healthy ARE you......?

FAKERS!

Imposters - End this charade!

Seeing as I've been away for a bit, I thought I'd come back with something very Curmudgeon-like: a hate-filled rant about something. And ooooh, let me tell you - THIS really grinds my gears.

See that picture above? If you don't know who that is, count yourself lucky. He was one of five members of a stupidly successful pop group called Steps, who were just about bigger than Jesus over in the UK. Then they split, tried solo deals and are now of the way of the rest of the Celebrity Living Dead - making a living from Reality TV.

Now, why a picture of him? Simple - he's a Faker. He's one of these annoying twats that thinks if they wear ripped jeans and have spikey hair - that makes them RAWK. Never mind the fact that, TWO WEEKS ago, he was in a Reality TV show called "Totally Boyband", in which former boyband stars team up to make a Super Boyband (erm, despite the fact there were three girls in Steps), this guy is still all about The Rock Music. He is now in a rock band called The Latch. Yes, that's right, a rock band. Although you wouldn't think it reading what he has to say on The Latch website..

"The solo music I make now is more rock than pop and my influences for this are really the songs IÂ’ve grown up with, plus the music I like to listen to today. From Duran Duran, Bon jovi and U2, to The Calling , No Doubt and Maroon 5."

SOLO music? I'm sure the other guys in The Latch, you know - the ones that play the music - will be thrilled to read that. Plus, call me a nitpicker, but when you think Rock Music - Maroon 5, The Calling and Duran Duran don't exactly spring to mind, do they?

OK, that's enough about that idiot. He's just a PERFECT example for a wretched new species out there. You see them everywhere, now that rock is "in", they're wearing old Led Zepplin and Aerosmith t-shirts, from pop totty like Britney to your empty-headed slag on the streets. They couldn't tell you a Led Zepplin SONG, but they're digging the rock look. It's the same with pop acts now; record companies have seen the pop thing is out, so they get the same five kids who, five years ago would have been dancing in matching outfits, to dressing them up like "rockers" and sticking a hired band behind them to make the pesky music.

It's not just rock music that's being pilfered by the ignorant. This obsession with "retro" has people with no interest in what's on the T-shirt trying to fake it and look cool, hence the resurgence of A-Team, Knight Rider and various other 80's classics being splashed on "ironic" T-shirts to people who didn't even like it first time around.

Now, this isn't some poe-faced Grandad "you weren't even BORN when that came out" rant. Hell, I wasn't born when a vast majority of Bowie's music was made, but that doesn't stop him from becoming one of my all time faves. And I'm sure people who adore Shakespeare weren't around when the ink was still wet on his work. Genuine fans can be of all ages. But jeez - they have to be genuine.

It's a sad state of affairs when Generation Dead-Eyed have no real culture of their own that they have to start and steal from ours - past and present. We should NOT accept it. When we see someone like that (and you know you will), we should stop, point and scream, Invasion Of The Bodysnatchers style. Or at least, come on to the Fortress and insult them.

Official Fortress Announcement

We are back in business!

I'll admit it, it DID seem like this moment wasn't going to happen. I just couldn't find a way to get my Uni work finished, what with one thing or another. But it all worked out in the end, and even if it sucks - it's done for another five weeks or so, and those heavy Fortress doors have swung open once more.

I hope you're all still here and you haven't given up on The Fortress. Rest assured, this is just the beginning.....

Official Fortress Announcement

Time to call it a day.

Well, that is - a short holi-day. (What, you didn't think I was going to shut The Fortress down, did you?)

Seeing as things are (scarily) quiet around here (was it something I said?), I figured now is as good a time as any to close these doors for a few days while I get my next (second last) Uni assignment done. It's a bit trickier than I first imagined, and so I'm gonna have to concentrate on that until it's finished.

I may still pop in from time to time over the week (shouldn't take me longer than that.. maybe) with the odd new post, but other than that it's going to remain pretty quiet around here.

By the way, so you know, I DID stick to my word and try and get new blood onto the site. Hell, I spent a good few days joining the most horrendous chatroom sites imaginable in an attempt to get some hits. You name it, guys - Ronan Keating, Destiny's Child, Shayne Ward, Chico - every manufactured pop slop you can imagine - I was on their website showing my negative Amazon review, trying to get a reaction and all the while plugging The Fortress.

I thought ONE person might sign up, but it doesn't look likely. So that little experiment failed. Never mind, I have a few more ideas up my sleeve that I won't mention just now, but I will put into operation when I get back.

Anyway, I'm off to write about - gah - "true life." Wish me luck.

Y'all come back now, y'hear?