Sorry I'm miserable. It's my time of the year.

Ho Ho .. huh.

It's like a curse.

Someone always says it.. like impending doom it creeps up on you.. "not long now 'till Christmas!"

Ever notice how people ask "are you all set for Christmas?" "You got everything ready for Christmas?" People don't look forward to Christmas anymore - they prepare for it, they get ready and set themselves up for it. What is it - a war? A famine? Nope - it's far worse.

Christmas becomes more of an ugly, joyless commercial nightmare every year. It's not for religion anymore, hasn't been for years, but it's barely even for families anymore. It's for retailers, businesses and companies. "A very merry Christmas to you, Mr Sainsbury. May your tills be simply bulging this year!" "And the same to you, Mr Mark, and you Mr Spencer! May your profits soar at this very, very special time. God bless us, one and all! Ker-chinnng!"

Stores close for ONE day now. ONE. Yet every near-sighted panicky idiot stocks up on food like they're in 28 Days Later. New reports state that we're going to spend more this year than any other year, and I bet that record will be smashed come December 2007. You've got to love the irony of a million gluttons waiting in line at the supermarket with more food than they could ever possibly eat, as the cynical, depressing supermarket Muzak pipes out "Feed The World."

Every year, the point and the sentiment to Christmas gets more and more lost. Even in the little things like, say; Christmas cards. To send to your loved ones and friends, right? Wrong. Send to every person you know, every person you work with, so it's not so much a list of friends and family but a conveyer belt of everyone you've ever met. And you can always tell the cards that are written by people who give in to the "right, who do I know..?" pressure - because they write so many of the damned things, there's no cheery greeting written inside, (or even "To" for that matter), it's just thier impersonal scrawl at the bottom. Basically, "Merry Christmas - here's my autograph."

Not one to bang on about religion, but Christmas Calendars are SUPPOSED to have 24 days in them, the countdown till His birth and all that? Right, you with me on that one? OK - but look - the big companies have scrapped that - recently they started putting a "special" chocolate for Christmas Day. Now though, through progress and mankinds greed, there's now a chocolate for every day until the 31st! How excellent! So what are we counting down now exactly? The start of the January Sales? Oh wait - how stupid of me. They start on Boxing Day now.

You can forget about listening to good music come December too. Every funny tie office ponce, housewife, stupid kid and basically people who don't buy records all year will buy the stupid novelty single that record companies inevitably churn out, be it Mr Blobby, Hamster Dance, Bob The Builder or some other worthless dogshit. In fact, scrap "good music" for "new music", because the radio stations wipe the dust off the same old ancient tunes year after year. You won't hear any new bands folks, because, heyyyy - "It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaaaaaas".

There is not one single good thing left about Christmas. It is quite simply the most wretched, cynical, hateful time of year. A time where a nation's greed and stupidity reach record highs, where people spend money they don't have on shit they don't need, all in that cloying, feeble excuse "well... it IS Christmas".

If you like Christmas - you're an idiot. Simple as that.

Official Fortress Announcement

Ch..Ch..Changes...

Times change. People change. And, you'll have noticed, websites change too. So a big old Stan Lee No Prize for working out that The Fortress Of Solitude has undergone a bit of a makeover.

So what's changed? Frankly my dear - squat. One of the major "selling points" was that once I had written my thread it loaded up quicker than before. Well, that's all well and good except I a) don't have two hour to live so who cares and b) my computer isn't built out of cornflakes packets and run by a hamster in a wheel, so its fast enough thanks.

A welcome change is that I can add anyone I like to be able to add their own messages and threads to the site. The old drill was that you had to e-mail ME the message you wanted along with the pic and I would put it up for you. Not so anymore. So if you want to contribute to the Fortress mail me at www.thecurmudgeonhatesyou@yahoo.co.uk and I can put your name on The List and you are up and running.

I've just discovered how to make seperate folders for things, which is excellent. So now there will be an easy to access viewing format for my Amazon reviews and the Dweller contributions and anything else I feel like chucking into a folder. These are old posts, some of them written before the majority of you got here. So do take a minute out to read through them, and if you happen to comment on any of them, let me know. No thread should be a dead thread. Or something.

I'm sure there's little tweaks and new things I'll discover if I toy around with it in the next few days, but the most important thing is that all of the original threads, pictures and replies are all intact and exactly the same.

So - feedback time, boys and girls. I can change pretty much everything at the touch of a button, as well as move around all the stuff like where the text goes, where the subject lists go.. all that.

What do you think of the new look Fortress? Change the colour? Change the layout?

It's YOUR site too, you know. If you want it changed, I am open to suggestion. But, at the end of the day, it's not the place its the company that counts. And right now The Curmudgeon and the loyal Dwellers that come in here make this the best damn site on the net.

There's something in my eye...

OK, confessions time - ever cried at a movie?

As the Dweller population so far is 100% male, I could rightly expect this thread to go unanswered, us being macho manly men and all. But The Fortress Of Solitude is a place where we can open up, reveal our true selves, vent our spleens and, yes, save our souls.

So - crying during movies then. I'd love to be able to 'fess up and everything but, no bravado at all - I never have. Hell, I'd LOVE to be SO into a film that whatever's happening - the handsome lead dying, the couple splitting up, Godzilla triumphing over Mechagodzilla (well, maybe that's just me that gets moved by that) that I burst into tears. But dammit, its never happened.

I suppose I don't watch that many movies that tug at the heart strings, but any I have watched with The Wife, while she's sitting in the corner blubbing away (a la Titanic), I'm sitting like an emotionless, soul-less wretch. I suppose the closest I've ever got, and I remember thinking at the time "oh.. this is.. new" was with, of all things, Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead. Yeah, I know. Maybe it was because it was late at night and I was alone, I dunno, but that part where Christopher Lloyd's character is saying he doesn't want to leave town and survive because he's lived his life and.... oh. Emotional.

So, OK, I flunk out of my opening question. Come on now - I'm The Curmudgeon, I don't go about weeping at movies like some lily-livered girl.

But YOU do, don't you...?

It's up to YOU.

New hotness or old and busted?

I mentioned this earlier when I first came back from holiday, but it's kinda playing on my mind a little more now. Well, it would because EVERY time I log into The Fortress I get this message asking if I want to change to the all-new version of this Blogger website.

And my answer to that is - I dunno.

See, on the one hand it won't change a thing. All the threads, all the replies, all the links (I think) and all the pictures (I think) will still all be there. Well, Blogger themselves said the content and the layout will be the same, nothing will be changed.

What is different, however, is a far more user-friendly format (something I've always derided this site for). How I understand it, is that if I want a folder, say, for my reviews - I can put all my reviews in the one folder, instead of having them fill up the page everytime I post them (I usually do them in blocks of five). And if I want to keep a certain topic going, I can make seperate entries and keep them all in the same place. Like, I dunno, the new Spider-Man movie. I could keep a running progress on that - from the first mini trailer and comments on it, to the full trailer with comments, to the movie itself and then maybe even the DVD and, hey, maybe even the sequel!

I'm sure there are other benefits ("drag and drop template editing" whatever that means) but I won't be sure until I sign up and start playing around with it.

But here's the bad part. Once I sign up - there's no going back. I can't use it and say, "hmmm.. na, I liked the old way better." It's that way or no way. Plus, you need to be signed up to Blogger before you can post. It's not a problem for the regulars here, but the odd "anonymous" writer won't be able to pop in and post.

So here's where YOU come in. What do YOU think I should do? What would YOU like? The way I see it, there are a few options..

1. Stick with what we know - The Fortress as it is.
2. Go for it - change is always good.
3. Stick with the old format for now, until you get a few more people in so it actually makes a difference.


The ball is your court, people. Let me know.

De-Valued?

Are DVDs too cheap now?

There was a time, loyal Dweller, when a DVD was a fairly pricey item. I remember seeing early Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Thing DVDs and looking at them in a sort of 2001-style silent awe. They were new and cool and shiney - and expensive.

Times have changed, of course and nowadays the likes of TCM and The Thing can be found in any 3 for £10 deal. (Oh, I realise I'll be talking pounds here, so you American folks can just work out the difference in your kooky space-dollars). Sales and bargains are all well and good for older movies that have been out for a while, but the on-going trend seems to be that brand new movies drop in price at an alarming rate, before something that was in the cinema a year ago is now almost halved in its retail value.

Take a quick tour through any DVD site, be it Play or Amazon or CD-Wow, and you'll notice a horde of movies you were itching to see a year ago now in a sale.

And is that a good thing?

The knee-jerk reaction to this, of course, is "hell yes." Who wants to pay through the nose for anything, right? But as someone who regularly trades DVDs and sells them on ebay, its depressing to see just how practically worthless your treasured collections actually are.

Before I had the Internet, I got my first few DVDs, and they were uncut import versions of Cannibal Holocaust, Nightmare City and Beautiful Girl Hunter. I paid a pretty penny for them, because there was just no way of getting hold of anything like that through traditional means. And man, they were something SPECIAL, you know? Rare, imported films you couldn’t get anywhere else – awesome.

Skip forward a few months and I had actually watched the damn things and I was clamouring to get rid of them. I now had the Internet and what do I find? They’re practically as common as any mainstream blockbuster. These hard to find, sought after movies were now going for the same price as Independence Day.

It is quite worrying, because you know the companies will be trying to get as much money as possible from us, and if we’re not paying top dollar for big movies, forcing them to put them all in sales (if memory serves, this sort of thing didn’t happen in VHS’s glory days), they’ll try and put out the next thing to get more cash out of us. Whoops – HD DVD – they already have. This also explains the increasing tendency to re-release movies time and time again. From vanilla disc to two disc to three disc (or even four in some cases), and I now notice the same movies being released again but in fancy packaging like tins, all in a desperate attempt to get us to spend a bit more cash.

While it’s all good for our wallets to get the movies we want at a lesser price, I can’t help but feel its going to be damaging in the long run – for the industry as a whole and for the value of our collections.

Thoughts?

AWESOME!

The Official Spider-Man 3 Trailer! Set your faces to stunned.


Now, I don't normally make seperate entries for any old movie trailer. But, let's face it - this is no normal movie. This is the greatest comic book movie franchise of all time. (Hmm, there's a possible future thread..)

And here it is...

http://www.ifilm.com/presents/spiderman3



Well, making Sandman Uncle Ben's killer was something I didn't expect, but it at least means he won't be just some second-rate "beat him at the start" villain (which I was worried about). Looks like there's gonna be three villains after all, although with Sandman AND Venom running around, I can't help but think Harry's "boo-hoo, you killed my father" act is going to carry much weight.

But, regardless - it's looking superb. I simply cannot wait.

Official Fortress Announcement:

The Boy Is Back In Town.

Yes indeed, the IHM has come back to you all. Hurrah and huzzah. That's not only YOU saying that, but my liver as well. Honestly, I don't think I can do much more seven day alchohol excesses. I really think I'm just going to keel over and die one of these days. From bad ideas (having impromptu "dance-offs" with total strangers) to bad karaoke ("Crazy Horses", for example) to bad hangovers (although, oddly, no vomit at the side of the bed - a genuine first) this was a very welcome break for The Curmudgeon. Which I now need a break because of it. I must be getting old.

Anyway, back to business then, and I notice there's a new version of the Blogger site which they're telling me to update to. There'll be no change in format or posts or threads (so they tell me), but what bothers me is some of you may have to "re-join", which I'm not happy about. Hell, getting people IN here is hard enough, making them re-sign up is something I'm not willing to risk just yet. So if you go to other blogs and see they look different to this one - that is why.

On with the show...

Official Fortress Announcement:

See you in seven....

Well, 'tis that time once again, loyal Dwellers. The Curmudgeon is outta here for seven days, as he heads off to sunny (I hope) Gran Canaria for the last break of the year. So, yes, I know its heartbreaking, but at least its not the 14 day marathon from six months ago. Hell, I couldn't do that to you twice.

So, these doors will be offically closed for seven days, but make sure you all come back next week, when all this madness begins once more.

Until then, my friends, The Curmudgeon salutes you all, as he's off to give his liver an unholy seven day pounding. Pray I make it back in one piece.

And..... Action!

Who is the greatest action movie hero of all time?

Well, I imagine this will be my last post until I come back from my holiday, so let's try and make it a good one, hmmm?

Action movies, then. We no doubt own a fair few in our DVD collections, and (I would wager) the majority of them are more than ten years old. Why is that? Well, (I don't NEED to wager) that's because action movies nowadays are complete shit.

No stars, you see. Back in the late eighties we were spoiled for choice, with Arnie and Stallone, Seagal, Van Damme - even great actors like Harrison Ford and Bruce Willis were still kicking ass, not to mention the likes of Jackie Chan doing all that stuff "for real", and it's fair to say it was a genuine golden age for action movies, where great characters and stupid plots made for quite simply brilliant movies.

But of all the action movie stars (not just the ones I've mentioned, feel free to pitch in some more), who was the BEST? Who's name in big capital letters above the movie title made you part with your hard-earned?

For me, it's an obvious two horse race; Stallone and Ahhnold. A few years back I would have said Arnie without even thinking about it, but recently Stallone has gained nuff respect from the IHM. I mean, damn, he WROTE most of the movies he starred in, from ace 80's junk like Cobra to his genre defining turn in Rambo (the end speech and Stallone's performance, are nothing short of incredible), and let's not forget the Rocky franchise, dodgy "politics" of Rocky IV aside. He was born with pretty severe disabilities, and so his rise to the top (and not just for having muscles) is to be applauded. True, his misses add up to more than his hits ("Stop Or My Mom Will Shoot," anyone? And let's not even touch "Judge Dredd") but Stallone is quite possibly the best action hero - even if he hasn't been in the best movies.

That accolade goes to Arnie. What he lacks in screenwriting skill and any measure of acting talent, he more than made up for in screen presence, the desire to make fun of himself and one fucking GOOD agent. While Stallone was starring in clunkers like Over The Top, Arnie was notching up mega hits in superb brain-fodder like Predator and Terminator 2, not to mention The Running Man and Total Recall. Face it - you own ALL of those films. And face it again - you've seen Kindergarten Cop more than twice.

So that's my two cents - Stallone gets the nod towards the best star, in terms of acting and writing ability, but Arnie wins out in the end for the sheer amount of great action movies under his belt.

So, now it’s your turn. This is the spot to talk about great action movies in general (or, hey - even bad ones). Who did you like? Who did you hate? Is the traditional action genre dead in the water?

And of course - who YOU think is the best action hero of all time.

Now THAT hidd de spod!