I'd best don my flame-proof coat now..
Oh God, I just KNOW I'm going to get no end of abuse for this review. But hey, I gotta tell it like I see it - and I've seen Crouching Tiger and I gotta tell you - it sucks donkeys.
The Curmudgeon doesn't get sucked in by hype often, but I really was with this film. I read everywhere that it was basically the resurrection on film. So I bought it without ever seeing it. Last time I do that, then.
Now, OK - the fight sequences. This is all people EVER talk about in this film, so I guess I should give first mention to it. They are VERY impressive, without a hint of CGI rubbish or blue screen. They look fantastic - and it's a crying, pitiful shame they weren't in a movie of more worth.
Because let's face it - take away the jaw-dropping fighting scenes and what do you have? A dull, plodding tale of "honour" that's about as interesting as counting peas in a bag. And while we're on the subject, there was never any explanation as to WHY these fights were so spectacular. Ordinary village girl meets masked assassin guy, and suddenly they're running up trees and floating in the air. Did I miss something?
And how to say this without sounding racist? Hmmm.. tough call but I'll try - the director really SHOULD have tried to make the characters more distinctive. Watching "bald guy in pyjamas fighting other bald guy in pyjamas" can be a bit confusing. Not saying they all look the same or anything but hells bells - give one of them a hat or something.
Like I said, I know I'm going to catch it for this review, but it really is a perfect example of style over substance. Nice effects, but no story, character of anything else of merit make this one to see using scene select only.
Sigh - the e-mail address is at the bottom..
3 comments:
Normally, I'd have to flame the hell out of a review like this one, "Crouching Tiger" being one of my all-time favorite films and all, but I'll be nice because you gotta love The Curmudgeon. That, and the comment about the hat was damned hilarious. I believe that a big reason that Asian films aren't more popular (besides westerners' ingrained aversion to subtitles) is that, to we white folk, Asians do look alike. This can make an otherwise brillaint story seem somewhat confusing at times. Honestly, the story in CTHD is as good for me as the unrivaled fight scenes. The themes of freedom, honesty, and the choices we make in life really strike a philosophical chord and we get not one, but two tragic love stories to top it all off. I'm glad that Asian cinema has finally achieved these kind of highs and garnered some respect, even if it is mostly from blowhard film critics and geeks. The review.....well, I get the impression that you did use "scene select only" on the film because if the film's title wasn't at the top of the review I would have had no idea what movie was being talked about. I could go the extra geeky mile and post an explanation of all the characters and the meaning behind all of the fights, etc., etc., but why? Just believe that the story does make sense on several levels and the characters are there...they all just kinda look alike.
OK - hands up confession time - I DID watch this movie the whole way through BUT.. it was a hell of a long time ago. So, yeah, the whole "review", such as it is, is pretty spotty. I just remember thinking it was completely over hyped and, fight scenes aside, really rather dull and uninvolving.
You know what's ironic? I trash pieces of shit like Coyote Ugly and I get e-mail after e-mail from people telling me what a dick I am. But when I slate a movie that is, to many, a bonafide classic - I get ZERO response. Go figure.
I do stand by my opinion, though. I think that if the movie just had bog-standard fight scenes then it would have sunk without trace, but because of the excellent effects its now loved by millions (who don't seem to love it for the same reasons you do, Trashy - I think you're the first person that's actually talked about the STORY).
If I'm honest, I'm not a huge fan of Asian cinema. I mean, I'll watch anything, but the likes of CTHD and House Of Flying Daggers (you know the sort of thing - the sort of movie where the voice over guy quotes reviews like "breathtaking" and "visually astounding") is never going to be high up on my wish list. A guy in a monster suit smashing model buildings, though? Cha-chiiiing.
"Coyote Ugly"?!?! People have flamed other human beings for making fun of that POS? I like hot, slippery wet girls dancing on bars as much as the next guy, but as an "inspirational" story about a hack songwriter and her concept for a bar that, of course, would certainly assure only the highest class of clientele (frat boys, dirty old men, and the skanks that love them), it's just a bad idea for a full-length film. Everyone I know likes that movie, and that's okay because everybody has some shitty guilty pleasure films that they enjoyed in spite of their stupidity, just don't argue that those movies are GOOD. Seen "Night at the Museum" yet? The way people are talking about that movie, you'd think it was the funniest thing ever filmed. I haven't seen it and I don't plan to, but when the pickens at the theater are as slim as they've been this season, people will gush over anything. But I can't get "Pan's Labrynth" or "Curse of the Golden Flower" (another of those "visually astounding" asian films) into a theater within an hour of my city. Ain't that about a bitch?
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