The HORROR!

Could YOU live without the internet?

First of all, this isn't an admission on my behalf, or a presumption on yours, that we spend every waking moment on the net, or that our lives revolve around the clatter of keys and the gentle hum of a computer.

I know we don't. But dear God I LOVE the internet. Love it. When it comes to greatest inventions ever, I think the internet kicks that damned wheel into second place. No matter what you're into the internet can make it more enjoyable.

Everything I enjoy, everything I'm interested in has been made so much better thanks to the net.

Music? The day I got the internet I managed to track down a Placebo CD single that I just could not get anywhere else, and I had trawled stores, second hand stores and classified ads in newspapers for this record - and I got it from Amazon for the same price as a regular CD single. Then there's websites by and about the artists or bands you like - and buying tickets for gigs (one of my main hobbies) is no trouble at all, whereas in The Olden Days I used to have to travel into town for the one place that sold tickets - if they had any. Yes, the net has increased my music listening tenfold, and that's without getting into discovering new bands and (legal) downloads.

Films - Again, the net has made being into movies far more accessible and enjoyable. I have a literal WORLD of choice about what I can buy now, where it used to be just what the shops in town had. And getting the best version of a DVD (usually Region One, you lucky Americans) is simplicity, thanks to the websites dedicated to informing you of the best choice of disc. Then there's discussion groups, the IMDB, online trailers.. we really are spoiled.

Comic Books - As I've said before, I don't buy a million comics or anything like that, but the set half dozen I do buy I can now catch any issues I may have missed thanks to ebay. And then there's the websites dedicated to Marvel, DC etc and the fan art, screensavers, character databases and the chance to own some older rarer comics that you've have to go to specialist stores for.


I could go on - but you get the idea. The internet makes the important time of your life - your spare time, all the more sweet. You can talk to people who have the same interests as you, find out anything and everything, buy rare and long deleted items, book holidays, gigs, movies - hell, even find love.

The internet ain't perfect. For all it's qualities there's a whole seedy world that we all know about, where race hate, child abuse and God knows what else is bigger than it's ever been, not to mention the threatening domination of piracy which could snuff out pretty much every good thing I just mentioned.

But that's the negative side. As it stands - yeah, I COULD live without the internet but damn I'd miss it. I'm on the net for at least an hour a day and, seriously, I couldn't imagine life without it. Is that sad?

Thoughts?

Blogger Jogging!

Taking a stroll through Blogspot.com

Small history lesson: when I first started this site I had no idea what I was doing. All I knew was that I wanted to start a site where I could shoot my mouth off about anything and everything and have like-minded people join in the fun. So Blogspot came up on a search engine, it was free and pretty simple and - lo - the best kept secret of the Internet was born.

It's only recently I've actually began looking around at OTHER people's blogs (yeah, there are some out there believe it or not) and, as of today, began commenting on some of them. It's what I like to call Blogger Jogging, and its a sport that can open up whole new words of banality.

Seriously, you want to read some of this shit. Pointless anecdotes about people's lives (someone wrote about 1000 words on "the most hilarious day she's had in weeks" - when she was locked out of her house until she knocked on the window. A site dedicated to Mariah Carey ("everyone should go out and buy a Mariah Carey CD if you have one" - yup, I have NO idea what that means).

There are some gems, of course ("Vitriol For Dummies" looks pretty cool), but for the most part The Curmudgeon has been doing what The Curmudgeon does best - insult idiots.

So a quick heads up - you may well find the site has a few retaliation posts from these morons. If there are any "fuk U U fag" posts we'll know where they've came from.

If you have a quick Blog Jog yourself and find any tragic blogs, do let me know on here and I'll check them out for myself. And hey, if it spreads the good word of The Fortress in the meantime, that can't be a bad thing, right...?

Review 110: Celion Dion and Barbara Streisand - Tell Him

Two meglomaniacal harpies for the price of one - thanks for that

Now, normally I don't go on about a particular rubbish artist more than once. I make the odd exception if they're REALLY bad (The Darkness springs to mind) but I find that once is enough; it would get a bit tedious if I were to rate every single and album by a band or singer just to reiterate the fact they're atrocious. So I gave enormous necked super-bore Celine Dion a one star review in the past, which meant I wasn't going to focus on the rest of the musical bilge she polluted the charts with. But I decided to bend the rules for THIS monstrous single, a duet between the singing giraffe and Babs Streisand - surely a pairing the world doesn't deserve.

So what MADE me bend the rules to fit in this single? It's a sub-par snore, certainly no better or worse than anything Celine has put out before. Simple - the video. A teeth-grindingly irritating, hateful video which shows our two warblers singing together in a studio, as if they're the best of chums. It's been done before, certainly, but never as genuinely loathsome as this, the look of "surprise" on their faces as they hear how wonderful they are. Like "woah, way to hit that high note, girlfriend!" even though they're quite obviously miming over a pre-recorded song. Mechanecks bulging eyes lighting up as she "feels" the words she never wrote, Bab's nostrils flaring with every over-egged, preposterous vocal - it's one of the most dumb-foundingly awful things you'll ever see. Feelings of violence towards Celine Dion are nothing new, but this video brings out more maniacal urges than the Overlook Hotel.

Barbara Streisand, welcome to the Official Room 101 of Amazon.com. Celine - you're now a two-time veteran. Your rubbish music is one thing, but make another video like THIS abomination and you'll be hitting the hat-trick.

Review 109: Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon

I'd best don my flame-proof coat now..

Oh God, I just KNOW I'm going to get no end of abuse for this review. But hey, I gotta tell it like I see it - and I've seen Crouching Tiger and I gotta tell you - it sucks donkeys.

The Curmudgeon doesn't get sucked in by hype often, but I really was with this film. I read everywhere that it was basically the resurrection on film. So I bought it without ever seeing it. Last time I do that, then.

Now, OK - the fight sequences. This is all people EVER talk about in this film, so I guess I should give first mention to it. They are VERY impressive, without a hint of CGI rubbish or blue screen. They look fantastic - and it's a crying, pitiful shame they weren't in a movie of more worth.

Because let's face it - take away the jaw-dropping fighting scenes and what do you have? A dull, plodding tale of "honour" that's about as interesting as counting peas in a bag. And while we're on the subject, there was never any explanation as to WHY these fights were so spectacular. Ordinary village girl meets masked assassin guy, and suddenly they're running up trees and floating in the air. Did I miss something?

And how to say this without sounding racist? Hmmm.. tough call but I'll try - the director really SHOULD have tried to make the characters more distinctive. Watching "bald guy in pyjamas fighting other bald guy in pyjamas" can be a bit confusing. Not saying they all look the same or anything but hells bells - give one of them a hat or something.

Like I said, I know I'm going to catch it for this review, but it really is a perfect example of style over substance. Nice effects, but no story, character of anything else of merit make this one to see using scene select only.

Sigh - the e-mail address is at the bottom..

Review 108: Pussycat Dolls - Beep

#

More music for simple-minded idiots.

Sigh. Sometimes you wonder why you really bother even switching on these damn music channels at all. See, I refuse to listen to the radio, so keeping up to date with current music means having to trawl through the utter crap that MTV and The Box etc bombard stupid kids with. But look on the bright side, without them I would never have heard of half of the things I've reviewed, and THEN where would we be?

Anyway - Pussycat Dolls. Or, to put it another way, The Tall, Attractive (In A "Could Be A Guy Way") Brunette And Her Pointless Partners, who strut and roll around and dance but DO ABSOLUTELY NOTHING ELSE. Honestly, for those who thought Beyonce was the key wheel in Destiny's Child have seen nothing when it comes to this group. Talk about money for nothing. Unreal.

"Beep", then. So called because it has so many supposed "naughty" words that they felt the need to "Beep" it out before the radio does. Ha ha, isn't that hilarious? Nope, it sure ain't, especially when there's no rhyme on earth that could possibly work for "I don't give a (BEEP), keep looking at my (BEEP), It don't mean a thing if you're looking at my (BEEP) I'm gonna do my thing while you're playing with your (BEEP)".

It just doesn't work. You know, I just cut and pasted that from a website and I already feel the need to go out and kill children. Honestly, what kind of DRIVEL are people buying these days? Not to mention the "Hmm.. can't think of another rhyme there, so let's just put lots of HA HA HA HA HA HA" noises instead. Brilliant, eh? Maybe it's subliminal, and its the writers of the song (not these brain-dead bimbos, of course) laughing at the cross-eyed mouthbreathers who bought this junk. A sort of "ha ha, it's true, if we play this video on The Box often enough, you'll get brainwashed into buying it. And why's that? Because you're a MORON! HA HA HA HA HA!" It would score points with me if it were, anyway.

The Pussycat Dolls run of bad singles is on an impressive downward spiral, getting worse every time. "Dontcha" was rubbish, "Stickwitchu" was awful - this is borderline CRIMINAL. One can only shake their head at the people who buy this, who accept this as music. If you bought this you don't deserve to even own a computer to be reading this now. I wouldn't wipe my feet on you.

Review 107: Nelly - Grillz

Music for idiotz.

Hey, here's JUST what the bloated, boring hip-hop scene needs - yet another song about money and bling, exactly the same as every other piece of crap released by every other unoriginal idiot in the last ten years.

But this is different in one way at least - it's bragging about how much money, women etc they all have (funny how every one of them is so mirror-shatteringly ugly they would make The Elephant Man look like Brad Pitt - how DO they get all these beautiful girls to hang around them? You think they were paid models or something), but it's probably a great deal worse than any other cut and paste hip hop rubbish - because it's trying (and failing) to start another woeful rap trend that every dead-eyed, Follow The Leader kid will want to copy.

They have diamond encrusted mouth shields and braces. Oh, I'm sorry - that word isn't "gangsta" enough - these are Grillz. Not Grills, of course, because this is Nelly and all of his songs have to be spelled phonetically for absolutely no reason at all. So if you were ever worried that hip-hop had become an ugly parody of itself, insulting and forgetting the very purpose that the original artists had, there's always the likes of talentless chancers like Nelly to remind you that your worries were totally accurate. He brings in some of his equally witless friends to fill in the gaps, with some more tedious by-the-numbers rapping. Honestly, one day people will look back on this vapid, monotonous genre and LAUGH.

So a song about wearing gum shredding expensive braces. And people bought it and it was a bit hit. Do you sometimes think it would be better if a comet stuck the earth and killed every single one of us?

Review 106: Chico - It's Chico Time

Guaranteed child molester hits number one. Oh the humanity.

This years X Factor, not that I watched it, of course, provided us with quite simply the worst "talent" to pollute the charts to date. Of course we get bland no-mark Shayne Ward hitting number one with his boyband B-side, and the other trolls are soon to come out of from under the bridge of ghastliness, each more adonyne and pointless than the last.

Now, maybe I'm making some kind of error - isn't it just the WINNER that has the "X Factor" and so only the WINNER should release records? Did I miss something? I mean, what else could all the money they fleece out of the poor, stupid morons voting be for? Ah yes - to line the companies pockets to fund yet more dreck like X Factor. I forgot.

Now let's move on to Chico, the running joke of X Factor. He could barely sing, and was only in it because, uh, he had a comedy foreign accent, a silly name and stupid dances. Right. So he HAS to have a record deal, right? And, because the people who WATCH X Factor are mindless cretins, it HAS to get to number one because there are so MANY mindless cretins who watch it. It's crushing, it really is.

So, the song is a children's style party song. If in doubt, check the video where he dances with kids. This is probably an attempt to rid all memory of the fact he used to be a Chippendale, so instead of a sexy singer they instead have a sexless, Peter Pan style loveable fool. Just a pity it's not so much "Peter Pan" as "Neverland" - the Michael Jackson version. Still, this tosh is guaranteed to be bought by the funny-tied office buffoon who thinks "it's just fun", to be bought by stupid kids who don't know any better and basically anyone who doesn't have one single quality record in their entire collection, merely consisting of compilation albums and more reality television spawned atrocities.

I notice on the B-side that Chico covers "Kiss" by Prince, which now means I can publicly offer $1,000,000 to anyone who brings me his head on a stick. That this song is sung by this creepy, bug-eyed no-doubt kiddie fiddler is perhaps the greatest crime of all. Crush, kill, destroy.

Fortress Of Solitude Safety Warning!

Public Opinion can be bad for your health!

For those of you who joined The Curmudgeon after reading some of his Amazon reviews, you may well be familiar with THIS:

“Everyone is entitled to an opinion."

Ever heard that phrase? Well, trust me, after reading a few of the "reviews" on this website, you'll agree with The Curmudgeon - no, they are not.”

I believe that when I first started writing my reviews and, more than ever, I believe it now. Now, The Curmudgeon doesn’t include the loyal Fortress Dwellers among that lot; the passionate, clever and witty opinions of you guys are what keep The Fortress alive. That and me writing it, of course.

No, the public opinion I am talking about is that of the clueless, easily pleased masses, the sort of masses that vote in all these End Of Year polls, along with The Best Song Ever and Best Album Ever polls. You know the sort of thing I mean. The Curmudgeon used to love watching and reading these things, but lately its just something I’ve had to force myself to keep away from for the good of my own health. I can feel the blood pulsing in my eyeballs when I read some of these things now.

And why is that? Well, according to The Public..

1. In a list of Most Influential Artists, Bez (the famously talentless “dancer” from The Happy Mondays, who didn’t write any songs, who didn’t sing any songs and who didn’t play any instruments, only danced like a drug addict on stage), was higher up the list of Influential Artists than Prince.

2. Will Young, a Pop Idol winner who had just released his first solo single, was voted number ONE in Best Male Artist Of All Time.

3. The Best Single Of All Time was recently won by Snow Patrol’s “Chasing Cars”, which was released about two months ago.

4. In The Top Ten Movies Of All Time, The Lord of The Rings trilogy takes up three entries (with “Fellowship” being number one).

5. In the (now much derided) Record Of The Year, the boyband Westlife scooped the award with their by-the-books cover of the Barry Manilow song “Mandy”, which was number one about a month before the award.

6. In the Greatest Artist Of All Time, just ahead of Leonardo Da Vinci at number one was...... Rolf Harris.


This is just a small example of the knuckle-chewing howlers the idiotic public are responsible for. It seems that these polls are filled in by morons who seem to think the last thing they listened to is the Best Thing Ever. And we, as genuine and passionate fans of music and movies, have to yell at the TV or tear up the magazine that these abominations are published in.

The only opinion polls of any worth are written by critics or experts of the genre. In the end you may not agree with what wins or loses, but you can accept it as a learned opinion from someone who actually has a clue what they’re talking about, not the “what did I buy last” gibberish from the great unwashed.

So this is a public safety announcement from The Fortress Of Solitude; the next time you see another Best Of All Time list or TV show – be careful. Find out who’s casting the votes. If it says “As Voted For By YOU” – rest assured it is not by “you” or anyone even remotely like you. Run away, far away - you may well live longer.

Party Time!

The Fortress wishes you a Happy New Year. Just don't over-do it...


Well, that's 2006 pretty much wrapped up, and so its time to close The Fortress doors for a few days while I get very, very drunk indeed.

I actually don't mind the overall sense of New Year. I far prefer its sentiment, that of looking back over the year and looking towards the forthcoming one, over the bloated, cash hungry mess that Christmas has become.

Well, 2006 was the year that I started this little site, and while its not exactly going to give Google a run for its money, I'd like to think we're all part of something pretty cool. The regular visitors here are JUST the sort of people I was hoping would join; smart, funny and into cool stuff. Hopefully 2007 will see a few more step through those doors.

Hell, 2006 was a very important year for regular contributor Invisible Wolfman, as he told us all himself here. I had to walk away from the site a few times because of my University studies, but it looks like that paid off. I got my results back for this year and I passed, with distinction no less. So expect a few more sabbaticals in 07. A pain I know, but what can you do?

Anyway, I'm signing off for the last time this year. Time to get my dancing shoes on and go pound the hell out of my liver. Whatever you're doing for New Year, Loyal Dwellers - make sure you have a good time doing it.

I'll see you in 2007.

Woooooooooooooh!

Fantastic Four 2: Rise Of The Silver Surfer - The Trailer is HERE!

Let's face it - the first FF movie was nothing to write home about. Flimsy characters, dodgy plot, lack of attention to detail (what exactly WERE Doctor Doom's powers? Did they want another Magneto?) In fact, the best bit in the whole damn film was Jessica Alba stripping down to her underwear. Which, admittedly, would be a hard act to follow in any film.

But they may just have got it right with this one. The Silver Surfer looks set to steal the show - as Johnny rightfully says.. "ohhh, that's cool!"

Thoughts?

Merry Christmas from The Curmudgeon.

Don't worry - the nightmare is almost over.

Well, the shopping is done (and I got off with a pretty stress-free shopping experience this year, actually), the gifts are wrapped and it's almost Christmas Eve. So that means I'll be heading back to the Birthplace Of The Curmudgeon for a few days, and closing the Fortress doors for a festive break.

Now, I don't go around wishing just anyone "Merry Christmas". Hell, I AM The Curmudgeon, you know. But hey - this is MY site - The Fortress Of Solitude - and YOU are here, which makes you pretty damn cool, and deserving of a Christmas that is, by all accounts, Merry.

So whatever you're doing, however you're spending the 25th of December - I hope you all have a blast, and I hope you'll be back on this here site on the 27th.

You know you want that too.

Get ready to drool..

The Transformers Trailer is HERE!

Now, I realise I may be setting myself up for a BIG fall. The words "movie" and "Michael Bay" very rarely sit well with the Irresponsible Hate Monger (well, except The Rock and Con Air, obviously - everything else has sucked). But, who knows, he may well have caught lightning in a bottle with this franchise. And WHAT a franchise.

Transformers. On paper it could never work. But with todays technology and special effects (and THIS is a movie that will benefit from loads of CGI) it could look awesome.

And you know what? It sure does..

http://movies.yahoo.com/feature/transformers_hd.html

I know you don't see an awful lot (it is a trailer, after all) but what's there on the screen looks mighty impressive so far. I think its a good idea that there aren't too many Transformers/Decepticons (same idea as X-Men I suppose - you don't want to fill the movie with characters that will end up getting five minutes of screen time).

Spider-Man 3 - most eagerly anticipated movie of 2007? Meet your competition.

Christmas Movies!

What's YOUR favourite?

First of all, I apologise for THAT image. No-one ever said venturing into The Fortress was risk-free.

Christmas is almost upon us and you know what? I'm actually rather looking forward to it. Its always the same - once the present buying and the cards and all that shit gets out of the way, its not a bad time at all. What, spending time with my family, getting presents and getting drunk? What's not to like about that?

Anyway, Christmas wouldn't be Christmas without Christmas MOVIES. When you really think about it, its staggering to think just how many there actually are - some good, some bad - some downright hideous. Here's good ol' Wikipedia with a helpful reminder to get your brain running..

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Category:Christmas_films

Its a weird genre because not all Christmas films are 100% about Christmas per se, unlike, say, Santa Claus: The Movie or Miracle On 34th Street. Over in Britain, the James Bond movies have become something of a Christmas staple, as has the likes of Wizard Of Oz and, I'm sure will become a tradition - Harry Potter. Not Christmas movies at all, but something everyone enjoys watching at this time of year.

So what's your favourite Christmas movie? I think mine has to be Gremlins. Not an immediately obvious choice, I suppose, but its still a wickedly enjoyable satire and even now in the days of CGI the Gremins themselves still look awesome. Best bit? When they're out carol singing and then all cackle and plump back down into the snow and scurry off. Just a brilliant, funny family film - full of enough wit, action and "awwww" moments for everyone to enjoy.

So that's The Curmudgeon's pick of festive films. And yours.....?

Yup, more Christmas stuff...

So what do YOU want for Christmas?

First of all, a hearty apology for the lack of any new posts over the last week or so. This is due to a few things I won't go into, but mostly its down to that most dreaded of all things - Christmas shopping. Yes, call me a hypocrite if you will, that after blasting Christmas and the hollow, cynical cash-hungry farce it is - and THEN fuelling that very same farce, but there is one very good reason for this. I have a wife.

Now, I'm not so delusional to think I'm not the only one who's going to wake up to new stuff on the 25th (and hey - even The Curmudgeon doesn't mind the actual day itself when it comes), so now's the time to tell us all what you're hoping to get from your partner/parents/whatever.

Now, this WOULD be the time when I would ask, in that stupid voice, if "you've been a good boy this year", but I don't have to for a few very good reasons. 1. You're in The Curmudgeon's Fortress Of Solitude - this entitles you to anything you want; be it gifts, cars or sex. And 2. I'm not a dick.

I think I'm the easiest person in the world to buy presents for. Seriously, I'm into SO much shit that it's almost impossible not to walk into a store and see something you could buy me. My wife has bunched a frightening looking amount of gifts under our tree for little ol' me (well, I'm worth it), and so far I don't know what any of them are. Well, with one exception..

Because it was too big to take to my parents house on Christmas Eve (and because I think she just wanted me to open it) I got THIS gift early..

http://www.roboraptoronline.com/

Yup, just what someone my age needs. You know what though? It's AWESOME. Seriously - it's as good as the advert makes it look. Man, my cat’s days are NUMBERED with this thing.

Other than that? I don't really know. Like I said, I like so much stuff I have no idea what she's got me. The one thing I hope she's got me ('cos I get the annual instalment) is WWE Smackdown Vs Raw 2007 for the PS2. Why, it just wouldn't be Christmas without it.

But that's just me. Come on, boys and girls, sit on The Curmudgeon's lap and tell me what you want for Christmas.

Actually, get off. I'm getting "feelings."

Sorry I'm miserable. It's my time of the year.

Ho Ho .. huh.

It's like a curse.

Someone always says it.. like impending doom it creeps up on you.. "not long now 'till Christmas!"

Ever notice how people ask "are you all set for Christmas?" "You got everything ready for Christmas?" People don't look forward to Christmas anymore - they prepare for it, they get ready and set themselves up for it. What is it - a war? A famine? Nope - it's far worse.

Christmas becomes more of an ugly, joyless commercial nightmare every year. It's not for religion anymore, hasn't been for years, but it's barely even for families anymore. It's for retailers, businesses and companies. "A very merry Christmas to you, Mr Sainsbury. May your tills be simply bulging this year!" "And the same to you, Mr Mark, and you Mr Spencer! May your profits soar at this very, very special time. God bless us, one and all! Ker-chinnng!"

Stores close for ONE day now. ONE. Yet every near-sighted panicky idiot stocks up on food like they're in 28 Days Later. New reports state that we're going to spend more this year than any other year, and I bet that record will be smashed come December 2007. You've got to love the irony of a million gluttons waiting in line at the supermarket with more food than they could ever possibly eat, as the cynical, depressing supermarket Muzak pipes out "Feed The World."

Every year, the point and the sentiment to Christmas gets more and more lost. Even in the little things like, say; Christmas cards. To send to your loved ones and friends, right? Wrong. Send to every person you know, every person you work with, so it's not so much a list of friends and family but a conveyer belt of everyone you've ever met. And you can always tell the cards that are written by people who give in to the "right, who do I know..?" pressure - because they write so many of the damned things, there's no cheery greeting written inside, (or even "To" for that matter), it's just thier impersonal scrawl at the bottom. Basically, "Merry Christmas - here's my autograph."

Not one to bang on about religion, but Christmas Calendars are SUPPOSED to have 24 days in them, the countdown till His birth and all that? Right, you with me on that one? OK - but look - the big companies have scrapped that - recently they started putting a "special" chocolate for Christmas Day. Now though, through progress and mankinds greed, there's now a chocolate for every day until the 31st! How excellent! So what are we counting down now exactly? The start of the January Sales? Oh wait - how stupid of me. They start on Boxing Day now.

You can forget about listening to good music come December too. Every funny tie office ponce, housewife, stupid kid and basically people who don't buy records all year will buy the stupid novelty single that record companies inevitably churn out, be it Mr Blobby, Hamster Dance, Bob The Builder or some other worthless dogshit. In fact, scrap "good music" for "new music", because the radio stations wipe the dust off the same old ancient tunes year after year. You won't hear any new bands folks, because, heyyyy - "It's Chriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiistmaaaaaaaas".

There is not one single good thing left about Christmas. It is quite simply the most wretched, cynical, hateful time of year. A time where a nation's greed and stupidity reach record highs, where people spend money they don't have on shit they don't need, all in that cloying, feeble excuse "well... it IS Christmas".

If you like Christmas - you're an idiot. Simple as that.

Official Fortress Announcement

Ch..Ch..Changes...

Times change. People change. And, you'll have noticed, websites change too. So a big old Stan Lee No Prize for working out that The Fortress Of Solitude has undergone a bit of a makeover.

So what's changed? Frankly my dear - squat. One of the major "selling points" was that once I had written my thread it loaded up quicker than before. Well, that's all well and good except I a) don't have two hour to live so who cares and b) my computer isn't built out of cornflakes packets and run by a hamster in a wheel, so its fast enough thanks.

A welcome change is that I can add anyone I like to be able to add their own messages and threads to the site. The old drill was that you had to e-mail ME the message you wanted along with the pic and I would put it up for you. Not so anymore. So if you want to contribute to the Fortress mail me at www.thecurmudgeonhatesyou@yahoo.co.uk and I can put your name on The List and you are up and running.

I've just discovered how to make seperate folders for things, which is excellent. So now there will be an easy to access viewing format for my Amazon reviews and the Dweller contributions and anything else I feel like chucking into a folder. These are old posts, some of them written before the majority of you got here. So do take a minute out to read through them, and if you happen to comment on any of them, let me know. No thread should be a dead thread. Or something.

I'm sure there's little tweaks and new things I'll discover if I toy around with it in the next few days, but the most important thing is that all of the original threads, pictures and replies are all intact and exactly the same.

So - feedback time, boys and girls. I can change pretty much everything at the touch of a button, as well as move around all the stuff like where the text goes, where the subject lists go.. all that.

What do you think of the new look Fortress? Change the colour? Change the layout?

It's YOUR site too, you know. If you want it changed, I am open to suggestion. But, at the end of the day, it's not the place its the company that counts. And right now The Curmudgeon and the loyal Dwellers that come in here make this the best damn site on the net.

There's something in my eye...

OK, confessions time - ever cried at a movie?

As the Dweller population so far is 100% male, I could rightly expect this thread to go unanswered, us being macho manly men and all. But The Fortress Of Solitude is a place where we can open up, reveal our true selves, vent our spleens and, yes, save our souls.

So - crying during movies then. I'd love to be able to 'fess up and everything but, no bravado at all - I never have. Hell, I'd LOVE to be SO into a film that whatever's happening - the handsome lead dying, the couple splitting up, Godzilla triumphing over Mechagodzilla (well, maybe that's just me that gets moved by that) that I burst into tears. But dammit, its never happened.

I suppose I don't watch that many movies that tug at the heart strings, but any I have watched with The Wife, while she's sitting in the corner blubbing away (a la Titanic), I'm sitting like an emotionless, soul-less wretch. I suppose the closest I've ever got, and I remember thinking at the time "oh.. this is.. new" was with, of all things, Things To Do In Denver When You're Dead. Yeah, I know. Maybe it was because it was late at night and I was alone, I dunno, but that part where Christopher Lloyd's character is saying he doesn't want to leave town and survive because he's lived his life and.... oh. Emotional.

So, OK, I flunk out of my opening question. Come on now - I'm The Curmudgeon, I don't go about weeping at movies like some lily-livered girl.

But YOU do, don't you...?

It's up to YOU.

New hotness or old and busted?

I mentioned this earlier when I first came back from holiday, but it's kinda playing on my mind a little more now. Well, it would because EVERY time I log into The Fortress I get this message asking if I want to change to the all-new version of this Blogger website.

And my answer to that is - I dunno.

See, on the one hand it won't change a thing. All the threads, all the replies, all the links (I think) and all the pictures (I think) will still all be there. Well, Blogger themselves said the content and the layout will be the same, nothing will be changed.

What is different, however, is a far more user-friendly format (something I've always derided this site for). How I understand it, is that if I want a folder, say, for my reviews - I can put all my reviews in the one folder, instead of having them fill up the page everytime I post them (I usually do them in blocks of five). And if I want to keep a certain topic going, I can make seperate entries and keep them all in the same place. Like, I dunno, the new Spider-Man movie. I could keep a running progress on that - from the first mini trailer and comments on it, to the full trailer with comments, to the movie itself and then maybe even the DVD and, hey, maybe even the sequel!

I'm sure there are other benefits ("drag and drop template editing" whatever that means) but I won't be sure until I sign up and start playing around with it.

But here's the bad part. Once I sign up - there's no going back. I can't use it and say, "hmmm.. na, I liked the old way better." It's that way or no way. Plus, you need to be signed up to Blogger before you can post. It's not a problem for the regulars here, but the odd "anonymous" writer won't be able to pop in and post.

So here's where YOU come in. What do YOU think I should do? What would YOU like? The way I see it, there are a few options..

1. Stick with what we know - The Fortress as it is.
2. Go for it - change is always good.
3. Stick with the old format for now, until you get a few more people in so it actually makes a difference.


The ball is your court, people. Let me know.

De-Valued?

Are DVDs too cheap now?

There was a time, loyal Dweller, when a DVD was a fairly pricey item. I remember seeing early Texas Chainsaw Massacre and The Thing DVDs and looking at them in a sort of 2001-style silent awe. They were new and cool and shiney - and expensive.

Times have changed, of course and nowadays the likes of TCM and The Thing can be found in any 3 for £10 deal. (Oh, I realise I'll be talking pounds here, so you American folks can just work out the difference in your kooky space-dollars). Sales and bargains are all well and good for older movies that have been out for a while, but the on-going trend seems to be that brand new movies drop in price at an alarming rate, before something that was in the cinema a year ago is now almost halved in its retail value.

Take a quick tour through any DVD site, be it Play or Amazon or CD-Wow, and you'll notice a horde of movies you were itching to see a year ago now in a sale.

And is that a good thing?

The knee-jerk reaction to this, of course, is "hell yes." Who wants to pay through the nose for anything, right? But as someone who regularly trades DVDs and sells them on ebay, its depressing to see just how practically worthless your treasured collections actually are.

Before I had the Internet, I got my first few DVDs, and they were uncut import versions of Cannibal Holocaust, Nightmare City and Beautiful Girl Hunter. I paid a pretty penny for them, because there was just no way of getting hold of anything like that through traditional means. And man, they were something SPECIAL, you know? Rare, imported films you couldn’t get anywhere else – awesome.

Skip forward a few months and I had actually watched the damn things and I was clamouring to get rid of them. I now had the Internet and what do I find? They’re practically as common as any mainstream blockbuster. These hard to find, sought after movies were now going for the same price as Independence Day.

It is quite worrying, because you know the companies will be trying to get as much money as possible from us, and if we’re not paying top dollar for big movies, forcing them to put them all in sales (if memory serves, this sort of thing didn’t happen in VHS’s glory days), they’ll try and put out the next thing to get more cash out of us. Whoops – HD DVD – they already have. This also explains the increasing tendency to re-release movies time and time again. From vanilla disc to two disc to three disc (or even four in some cases), and I now notice the same movies being released again but in fancy packaging like tins, all in a desperate attempt to get us to spend a bit more cash.

While it’s all good for our wallets to get the movies we want at a lesser price, I can’t help but feel its going to be damaging in the long run – for the industry as a whole and for the value of our collections.

Thoughts?

AWESOME!

The Official Spider-Man 3 Trailer! Set your faces to stunned.


Now, I don't normally make seperate entries for any old movie trailer. But, let's face it - this is no normal movie. This is the greatest comic book movie franchise of all time. (Hmm, there's a possible future thread..)

And here it is...

http://www.ifilm.com/presents/spiderman3



Well, making Sandman Uncle Ben's killer was something I didn't expect, but it at least means he won't be just some second-rate "beat him at the start" villain (which I was worried about). Looks like there's gonna be three villains after all, although with Sandman AND Venom running around, I can't help but think Harry's "boo-hoo, you killed my father" act is going to carry much weight.

But, regardless - it's looking superb. I simply cannot wait.