Review 120: Brick

I love lamp.


For those not in the know, "I love lamp" is a quote from another Brick, he of "Anchorman" fame. I thought the quote was kinda fitting, in that the Brick from that movie made no sense either.

This is one of those movies where you're going to read a lot of overblown, pretentious reviews from people who like to pretend they "get it", throwing phrases like "film noir" at you like they actually have a clue what they're talking about. Ladies and gentlemen - IGNORE THEM ALL.

So, Brick, then. An attempt to fuse, oh-ho, "film noir" in a teenage environment. A nice idea, if it weren't so knuckle-chewingly embarrassing to watch. Hey, who wants to see 15 year olds talking like Humphrey Bogart, with all the conviction of an episode of Dawsons Creek? Anyone? Anyone?

The director was obviously so in love with his outrageous gimmick that he forgot to add even the slightest personality into his characters. This is one reason we do not care, one little bit, about anyone we're watching on screen - also the fact we don't believe ANYTHING we're watching, it's all so pointlessly ludicrous.

There is a good story buried under the corny dialogue and leaden delivery. It would be no less powerful if these were REAL teenagers in front of us, saying REAL things that teenagers have to say. There doesn't have to be bling-speaking idiots or Clueless-style stereotypes in a teenage movie. A film written by someone with the slightest idea of what teenage kids are actually like would be a start, (one person in the entire school has a mobile phone, for example) but what there DOES need to be is an actual story, with characters that people can relate to or at least care about - otherwise, what's the point?

Of course, the knee-jerk reactionary brigade are going to accuse me of being ignorant for not adoring their Movie Of The Year (that they were told to like). They'll say I didn't "get it". Oh, I got it - I just don't particularly want it.

Pretentious I can deal with. "Film noir" I can deal with. Trying something new, trying to be different - I can deal with. A tedious, gimmicky chore? The Curmudgeon can not deal with.

You want to see this year's best non-blockbuster movie? Try "The Proposition", and leave this well alone. Or, if you really want kids talking like gangsters for no real reason - there's always "Bugsy Malone." It's more believable to boot.