The adventures of Captain Bland and The Unremarkables.
Sadly, it would seem a lengthy (in pop terms) career and a strong fan-base are no real estimations of quality. Look no further to prove that point than Mr Ronan Keating, formerly of Boyzone (to quote Noel Gallacher - "a costume change away from the Tweenies") and who himself has amassed a string of hits while his other band members faded into obscurity. Really, what DID we do to deserve this man?
Ronan Keating, I'm sure his press would want you to believe The Mr Nice of Pop. Which, translated, means he's so insufferably BORING you feel some clever entrepreneur could bottle him and sell him off as sleeping tablets. He really is the most vapid, uninteresting non-event to grace the charts in some time. And yet his records sell by the shed-load. Why? Because the people that buy them are either stupid girls or stupid housewives. And there are an AWFUL lot of stupid girls and stupid housewives out there.
This banality transfers into the music seamlessly, and it's not in the countless ballads and cover versions it's most noticeable, but on the hilarious attempts to be "cool" that Ireland's own Ronan comes across as your embarrassing uncle turning up at the school disco and trying to boogie. Watch the excruciating video to "Lovin' Each Day - (see, he says LOVIN' - that means he's edgy).
I don't know how popular this guy is over in America, but over here a new album is reason to mourn like you've lost a prized pet. Four (at least) more singles, four more videos to be rotated non-stop on the music channels, all of the same dull, pedestrian, moribund pop music. Dire.
Aw, Begorrah, Ronan - you really do suck.
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