Review 82: Shane Ward - That's My Goal

Truly, welcome to the suck.

And this year's crud-fest winner, the person who received the most votes from every brain-dead glossy eyed plankton watching ..... who even CARES anymore?

Yet another drone pulled off the production line, this gimp being another in the long run of Inoffensive Handsome White Boys, aimed primarily at stupid people and, judging by the popularity of this single, there are an awful, awful lot of.

So let's talk about the single. With the exception of the excrement that was last years winner (Steve Brookstein, currently Missing In Action - yet another one-hit wonder who we'll never see again) first (and only) solo attempt - the dire Phil Collins cover, this is easily the worst actual attempt at a SONG yet.

Originally planned for Westlife, "That's My Goal" was panned and rejected by them (THEM! Westlife!) for being too weak, but it sure wasn't weak enough for Shayne Ward, currently number one for the fourth week running as I type this.

But what does that MEAN, exactly? I'll tell you - nothing. The general public are SUCH idiots, such pathetic, "tell us what to buy and we will" easily led cretins, that they would buy ANYTHING after seeing it on a reality program. Shayne Ward could have released a record of him whistling the Marmite theme and it would have gone straight to number one.

And it's going to continue, isn't it? This was a massive hit, the show was a massive hit, so we're going to continue to be bombarded with bland, generic singers and pointless songs like this. If you BOUGHT this junk, or if you WATCHED this junk, The Curmudgeon holds YOU personally responsible. You should be ASHAMED of yourself for bringing yourself down to the gutter masses, watching this easily-digestible pond-life program, and buying its cynical, disgusting products.

One day, I hope to live in a world where television is not swamped by reality television, where TV schedules and budgets are not ruled by programs aimed at the great unwashed, where the charts are not in the vice-like grasp of dire TV talent show winners (and losers). That, ladies and gentlemen, THAT, is my goal.