Listening to music is one of The Curmudgeon's many passions. I've been buying CD's and the like for a good few years (well, too many years to count, actually) and, well, they've not all been five star classics. Spur of the moment, bargain basement prices and downright drunkenness have lead to some absolutely shocking music purchases.
I'm sure I'm not the only one, either. So here we put their spirits to rest, confessing our sins and revealing our very own Criminal Records. What constitutes a Criminal Record? Well, this isn't some poe-faced two fingers at pop music or anything like that. Hell, I have an A-Teens CD (manufactured pop puppets sing bouncy happy pop songs - and the blonde is to DIE for) and I still think it's awesome. A Criminal Record is a release that you'd cringe if someone found at a party whilst raking through your CD's, and also something you know full well you'll never listen to again. A total "What WAS I thinking" experience.
I'll go first..
1. Doop - Doop.
For those that haven't heard it, this novelty single was a number one single way back in 1994 or something. And, appallingly, it was the very first single I ever bought. I think I can safely say it has not been played in ten years.
2. Spice Girls - LOTS.
Man, I had a big liking for the Spice Girls. I thought Geri Halliwell was quite simply one of the most awesome female specimens on the planet (still wouldn't say no, either). I bought Wannabe when it came out, and then toyed with buying the actual album for a good few weeks, well aware of what it would do to my "cred". I eventually gave in, bought it and the next few singles as well as the second album. I now own 7 Spice Girls records which, really though, is about seven too many.
3. Teletubbies - Say Eh Oh
You know, for the life of me I can't even fathom WHY I bought this. When would I listen to it? What possible reason could I have had for wanting to spend money on this? A post-modern, ironic gesture? Um.. yeah, that's it. This CD is in mint condition - I wonder why?
OK, I've done three. I'll reveal some more if someone goes next. Come on, let those skeletons out for air..
3 comments:
Well, that is, ahem, unless there's anyone ELSE wanting to contribute?
Just me, then.
By the way, I have the Mortal Kombat CD as well! What, are you nuts?! It's FANTASTIC! I remember sitting in the cinema moaning about going to see this (like I'd EVER have missed it), thinking it was going to be another Streetfighter II movie. Then the music hit and my friend turned to me and said "this is going to be GREAT!" And it was! No, sorry man - that CD does not belong in the Criminal Records section.
OK, I'll give you some more..
Toxic Tunes From Tromaville
Not an embarrassing CD to have I suppose (it always get like-minded people picking it up going "wha...?" but it's a collection of music and songs from Troma movies throughout the years. It's got Sgt Kabukiman on the front and.. well, that's about the best thing it's got going for it. Quirky cool thing to own, I suppose, but it makes for AWFUL listening.
Joshua Kadison - Jessie
Slushy acoustic guitar ballad from one trick pony Joshua, who sits by a piano wearing a Die Hard vest on the front cover, looking like a cross between Michael Bolton and the Cowardly Lion. About as "forty year old woman" as my CD collection gets. Gah.
Boyzone - Baby Can I Hold You?
God, I'm such a hypocrite at times. I spend hours on my Amazon reviews slating boybands and pop stars who do endless covers, and yet, many moons ago I actually bought one, a by the numbers cover version from a boyband about as interesting as watching a bath empty. Why I bought it I'll never know - maybe I was trying to seduce some teenage crush? I imagine I failed.
Bridget Jones' Diary Soundtrack
Ughhh. I know, I know, I know. To my credit, I actually bought this for my ex-fiancee when this movie came out. And then we split up. And I still have the album. Looks like she got the best out of that deal, then.
Yeah, I haven't thrown any of my CD's out either. Haven't even attempted to sell any, which is pretty weird. Still, as embarrassing as some are, now that I'm married I can just tell people; "Oh, that? Pfff - that's HERS."
Oh man, the Now CD's. Actually, Now 8 would probably sell quite well on ebay. They are quite, er, "collectable", if faceless compilations of boyband dross, one hit wonders and dance shit is what you want to collect.
I've actually heard that Bon Jovi album. It stunk. Now let us never speak of it again.
Good Charlotte are awful, good call on that one, but woah - dissing Weird Al? Them's fighting words.
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