Monday, May 15, 2006

Review 77: Destiny's Child - Destiny Fulfilled.



The sound of a band running out of steam.

Destiny's Child have always really annoyed me. The irritating lyrics ("pay my automobills?" "Bugaboo"?) notwithstanding, their wholesome, God-bothering image (but street and gangsta at the same time) just never washed with me. Add to the fact its basically The Beyonce Show, with guest spots from Horse face and, uh, The Other One. Like I said - always bugged me.

Saying that, Bootylicious was superb, and actually did the impossible - made Destiny's Child SEXY (there's attractive and there's sexy - not the same thing, boys and girls). Top tune as well, making good use of the Stevie Nicks sample and giving something I could actually listen to without wanting to stick pins into my ears.

Solo projects aside (Beyonce with the one good song, Horse face with some HORRIFIC material and The Other One, er, sitting waiting for the phone to ring), the last album from the bizarrely successful group can be summed up in one noise.

KA-SSPPPLLLOOOOOOSH.

To the uninitiated, that's the sound of a large toilet being flushed. The first single was a jerky, jumpy noise that doesn't really go anywhere but wasn't terrible, but the next single ("Soldier") is quite possibly one of the worst songs of all time. Fooling absolutely NO-ONE, the three millionairesses sing about wanting to be with people from Da Hood. Soldiers, apparently. Of what, we're never told, but they bring one of them to give the most pointless rap ever. Honestly, it's like the little turd can't even SPEAK. When did that happen in rap music? Why do rappers try and sound as monosyllabic as possible? What's that all about?

Anyway, next single and it's quite obviously they're just scraping the barrel (which, at three singles in, is a sure-fire sign of a bad album). After all the honk about being Independent Women and strong and don't need men to make them happy, they release "Cater 2 U", a song about bringing their man his slippers and basically being the dominated doormats they all said they weren't in the first place. Chicks, eh? They love it really.

And that's that, then. One greatest hits followed, then the end of Destiny's Child. Some terrible songs, a number of interchangeable band members and some pointless "girl power". A totally unfulfilling legacy.

Let the dire solo projects commence.

4 comments:

Anonymous said...

that was a bullshit article, go suck yo mama's dick

Anonymous said...

did you know they even made songs about about people like you? they go like this:

this is for them haters that said we wouldn't make it:
now we're selling millions & now you can't take it!
for all the people round us that have been negative:
look at us now & see how we live ..

Anonymous said...

Well you're the one wastin' time writing sh*ts about them while they're the ones makin' money and livin' good lives! U can hate all u want but u're the pathetic one in the story ;)

The Curmudgeon said...

Hey look - morons! Real live morons!

Take a picture everyone!