Career suicide put to music.
Sometimes there comes along a record that is SO bad, so absolutely toe-curlingly AWFUL that everyone pounces on it and rips it to shreds. Magazines, newspapers, critics.. this is one of those rare records. It genuinely is one of the worst things ever recorded.
Where to begin? OK - I'll tell you who these two idiots are. Fresh from ultra crap boyband Boyzone splitting up, the two anonymous gimps that didn't do anything outrageous (like sing) teamed up, and what do you think they came up with? A sugary pop ballad? Nope. A cover of a pop classic? Well.... kind of.
Most wouldn't consider pop fakers Milli Vanilli's "Girl You Know It's True" a classic as such. It's no Billie Jean or Purple Rain, but these two covered it because, get this - Milli Vanilli didn't sing, and everyone thinks that THEY didn't sing in Boyzone either. Ha ha ha. Awesome, eh? Except they didn't - it was all Ronan Keating or Stephen Gately, Keith and Shane just hung around in the background waiting for someone to yell "cut". So much for THAT idea.
And so much for the song. Instead of a by the numbers cover, Keith and Shane instead opted to go all GANGSTA on our asses, with a knuckle chewing, "stop it my ears are on fire" rap. Check out these lyrics, yo..
"Well you've tried the rest now here's the best, cos the KS, yes, we're gonna fly the nest."
Not going to give Eminem any sleepless nights, Keith and Shane, the two most UN-hip hop names in existence, were now K&S. They also mocked other boybands like Westlife ("Lowlife, go and get your own life" - ziiiing!) and Five ("when the lights go out Five better watch out!" - ziiiiiing, again!) and then, for absolutely no reason, told us that "Ali G comes before H". Ziii.. uh?
It was an absolute ABOMONATION. Honestly, of the 100 things I've reviewed here, this is quite easily the most mis-guided, pitiful and downright diabolical entry. An example of egos ran wild, of having number one singles put in their lap and mistaking it for talent and having something to say. Of course it wasn't, and this single went down in history as the worst career move ever. K&S were quickly shelved and the two were never seen again. Thank God for that, at least.
So that's that, then. 100 reviews, 95 of the worst things ever. I'm going to find it tough to beat this one, so I may lay low after the next five reviews. But what will they be? Well, when you trudge through the depths of Hell, there's only one way to go - and that's up, up, up! That's right, another five things I actually LIKE coming up next. And believe it or not, Boyzone won't be included.
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