Review 94: Atomic Kitten - Greatest Hits

Chart cancer.

Admit it - you grinned like a loon when you heard this diabolical trio went their separate ways. I know I did, because it didn't seem that a week went by when yet another asinine, chirpy slice of pop cheese or God-awful ballad by these three non-entities was stinking up the charts.

I know what you're thinking, though. "Ah, but Curmudgeon - what happens when a rubbish pop band splits? Lots of equally rubbish SOLO projects." And you'd be right. So before we rip apart this (s)hit collection, let's talk about them.

Well, special mention must go to Kerry Katona, who first started off with the band. She got pregnant and left, went down the old "Reality Television" route and can now be seen advertising a supermarket or appearing on brain-dead magnet tabloid magazines talking about, well, anything that the brain-dead scum are interested in reading about.

Jenny Frost, (her replacement) had a stab at a solo single first - and it absolutely bombed. Fingers crossed we never hear from her again.

Next up, "Tash" (presumably because she has one) also got pregnant but could be seen jiggling around with the bump in the music videos, no doubt an inspiration to all those pregnant 13 year old girls who bought Atomic Kitten records. Is now a full time mother. The music world mourns.

And then, Mrs "Why The Long Face?" Liz McClarnon. She also went down the Reality TV route, in a show that was so charmless and awful even the tabloids weren't that interested in it, has brought out a single just this week and whaddya know - it's a cover. THERE'S a surprise. And look - so is the B-Side! How about that? I won't even go into any detail on how wretched it is. Use your imagination.

Now onto this chart-clogging catastrophe. Safe to say that they got their moneys worth with the drum machine they use, in that I think there's about three different variations on the entire album.

I have nothing against pop music. But this whole album is so devoid of any ideas, of any imagination or depth or PASSION, from the people who created the songs, picked JUST the right cover versions to use, to the three brainless, charmless bimbo's themselves, singing songs they didn't write and not having a single CLUE how to do it above averagly. A thoroughly depressing album.

As for the doomed solo projects? On the bright side, I don't think we'll be seeing much more of any of them in the near future.. unless there's some more supermarket ads going around.