Worse than No Doubt AND Bush.
I know, I know - I never thought it possible either, that Gwen Stefani could produce something more awful than anything her (ex?) band No Doubt and reduced to house-husband Gavin Rosdale's band Bush ever could combined. Take No Doubt's attempts at reggae, their use of guitars and trumpets (together? Never good), take.. well, every Bush song ever recorded and "Hollaback Girl" is STILL a hundred times worse. Let's talk about WHY.
First of all, that fake music thing I hate. If you've read any of my previous reviews (and if not, why not?) you'll know that if someone is singing something, even if they've written it or not, you've got to BELIEVE it. I mean, Aretha Franklin didn't write "Respect" (Otis Redding did), but when she sings it - you believe it.
Not so with this, a laughable attempt at a football-chant soundalike. Here, Gwen tells us that "uh-huh, this my s**t" and "this s**t is bananas". And then helpfully spells out bananas, all under a "Hey Mickey" type repetitive drumbeat. Gwen attempts to sound a number of things..
a) 17
b) black
c) "street"
d) like she had any idea what the hell a "hollaback girl" actually WAS until someone told her a week before the song was written.
She fails on all accounts. What she DOES come across as being is everything that, well, she is. A white, 35 year old rich married woman bringing in expensive young talent to help her sell albums.
It's not only an unconvinving song, but a crass, ugly, tedious NOISE. But it has the word "s**t" repeated loads and loads of times, so of course it sold by the bucketload. Sigh and double sigh.
I shudder to think what she'll come up with next to top it. Gwen Gangsta Rap?
6 comments:
I have noticed Pharrel ALWAYS mentions how much he wants to work with Prince, but it does seem our Purple One just ain't biting. I think it's because he would never have anyone else produce his work.
Can you imagine it? "Uh.. yeah, Prince that was good but... I think it should sound.. gulp.. differently."
Our favourite egomaniac just wouldn't have any of it.
Hey man, I'm just glad someone "the kids" are into is giving the guy such high regard. Who knows, "the kids" may one day walk into a record store and say "oh - a Prince CD. I may well pick that up now." Thereby saving their souls from eternal damnation.
We can but hope.
Brian Griffin said it best: "I don't know what a hollaback girl is. All I know, is I want her dead." Not only is that song worse than No Doubt and Bush, it's the absolute worst thing ever. Worse than any film starring a rap star, worse than 9/11, worse than the love scene in "Howard the Duck", worse than the motherfuckin' holocaust, worse than Madonna's rapping. Okay, maybe that last one is a push, but you get my point. I can take a lot of musical punishment and come out unscathed, but this song touches me in all my bad places at once like a priest, camp counselor, and drunken hillbilly uncle all rolled into one and making me squeal like a pig, boy! Isn't Gwen Stefani, like pushing 40 or something? Grow up! I caught about 30 seconds of the music video once and was sujected to this middle-aged woman in a cheerleader outfit spelling out B-A-N-A-N-A-S. I also caught the beginning on a separate but equally painful occasion and she was surrounded by young black people, was dressed all "street", and (I think) driving a car on hydraulics or some idiotic shit. Possibly the most iconically retarded images that have ever scorched themselves onto my retinas. I feel dirty just discussing this piece of shit, I'm going to go take a shower and try to scrub away this shame, "Crying Game" style....
So, yeah, I really hate this song.
"Worse than 9/11".
Posted on the anniversary of 9/11.
Ouch. Trashcanman - you have balls, my friend. Your bile and venom is a welcome asset to The Fortress.
I didn't even realize that was 9/11! I'd been trying hard to ignore this 5th anniversary due to the fact that the media had been shoving it down our throats incessantly with made for tv movies, documentary specials, new footage from the "event", interviews with survivors and the whole lot. Irritating as hell. That was a horrible day in my life and I refuse to relive it over-and-over again just because the networks so desperately need ratings. Kind of the same way horribly untalented celebrities are shoved down my throat year 'round. I don't want to wallow in pity over 9/11 and I DON'T care what Kevin Federline and Britney Spears had for brunch. And yes, they show idiotic and pointless celebrity news both before and after the tear-jerking, dramatic 9/11 tributes. Too much for me to take.
I watch WWE, and I was grimly imagining what OTT slush-fest they would bombard us with as Raw was on live on 9/11.
But no - it was fairly tasteful. A minute's silence (fair enough) and then the ring announcer sang the national anthem. By WWE standards, that's pretty tasteful, subtle stuff.
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