Dung and a drag.
OK, first things first true believers - The Curmudgeon is NOT a D&D fan. I've nothing against it or anything (I don't think it's nerdy or whatever), it's just never been my bag. But I was VERY excited when I saw this movie was being released. Why?
Simple - the Dungeons and Dragons cartoon, which was by far the coolest cartoon of the 1980's. It smoked He-Man, Thundercats and any other contender and became one of THE best experiences of childhood. So while a movie based on the board game would have been cool, I was secretly hoping for a movie based on the cartoon. Come on - Hank and his flaming bow and arrow? Sarcastic Eric and his shield (you'd think the Dungeon Master would have thrown a SWORD in there too?), Bobby the Barbarian.. and let's not forget the uber bad-ass - Vengar himself. Let's face it folks - done right, it would have been AWESOME.
But we didn't get that - we got, well.. who knows? The plot is so incoherent and amateurish it could have been based on a game of Hungry, Hungry Hippo's. And whilst great acting is never the prime goal in these sorts of movies, special mention MUST go to the utter lack of any conviction the actors here have in their performances, coming across as just stepping out of a Snow White pantomime.
And then there's Jeremy Irons. Bit of a superb actor is our Jeremy, and I'm sure he thought at first he had signed up to a classy fantasy movie, thinking perhaps of Sir Alec Guiness in Star Wars. Then he read the script and saw the talentless monkeys he was working with and went full out into giving the worst performance of his entire career, not so much saying his lines as yelling them and spitting at the camera in an attempt to hide his embarrassment. Easily the best thing of the movie.
The producers obviously thought it was going to do well judging by its laughably hopeful ambiguous ending. Not a chance in hell, guys. You had your chance and you blew it with this dragon turd of a film.
Stick with the boxset of the cartoon, and see how fantasy really SHOULD be presented.
2 comments:
Don't worry about offending anyone; D&D is definitely for nerds and everyone who plays the game must realize it. I just happen to like nerdy things, myself. There've been a few films made from this franchise, and at least one of them isn't too bad. Then there's the one with the Wayans brother in it... stay far, far away from that one. I remember the cartoon, but only vaguely; some yoda-looking dude and a unicorn that "bah"-ed like a sheep are the only things I can pull out of my head at this point.
Oh, I never worry about offending anyone. I just don't think there's anything WRONG with being into D&D. Nerdy it may be, but I didn't want to come across (on Amazon) as some idiot jock who hates things he doesn't understand.
I think the one that isn't too bad is the sequel, the name of which escapes me. The one I reviewed IS the one with the Wayans brother(s?) in it. Yeeesh - horrible.
And the cartoon really is something worth investigating, even if it is just by pulling a few episodes off the net (the boxsets are pretty expensive..)
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