You know, whilst I was trawling through all my hate mail I came across something I thought I'd show you. Now, I don't get tricked often, but when I do I seem to fall hook, line, sinker and copy of Angling Times (name the reference - NOW!) and this time was no different.
I had posted up a "rate me, damn you!" link on a DVD site I frequent (i.e - haunt). Might as well give them a plug while I'm here - honestly, it's head and shoulders above every other DVD trading site you've ever been on. For what it lacks in heavy volume of traffic it more than makes up for in spirit and cool members.
http://forums.dvd-swaps.co.uk
Anyway, one of the moderators decided to play a little trick on your humble narrator (reference spot 2 - name it) and decided to give me a little hate mail of his own, calling himself "Randy Skeet" and calling me out for my damning of the Michelle McManus CD...
"Dude, you should be sick of yurself. I been reeding yuor reviews on AMAZON and what you say about Michel Mcmanus is sick. She is a great singer and she is happy about her look and she don't care what you think. Your such an angry person i wonder what your mummy done to you when you was a kid. but you still are a kid...ha ha
why do yuo keep on writing such crap man? the stuff you hate is what normal poeple like and you got no right to slag it off like you do cause its not your fave stuff. you think your so clever but eveyone is just laughing at you becaue you dont have no taste.
Im gonna write some proper reviews on them things and you see that poeple will agree with me and agree with me that you are a dumbass. I bet you aint never got laid once. Joker!
I hate you and people like you."
To which I replied...
"Dear cretin..
Here is a useful link for you to use..
http://www.yourdictionary.com/
This will help you spell those tricky words you seem
to have so much trouble with; you know the ones, "you"
and other head-scratchers like "reading".
Seriously guy - you're a fucking DUNCE. Before you
even DARE try to slate The Curmudgeon you should get a
grasp of basic English.
You say I hate things that normal people like as if it
was a bad thing. You're damn right I do. I DETEST
simple minded PEASANTS like you, who haven't got a
single original thought in your empty heads. Instead
you sit there as the next mass-market moron magnet
draws you in so you can sit and dribble your fucking
life away.
You make me sick. Every single tragic one of you.
Do yourself a favour and get hit by a car, you fucking
waste of space. And NEVER contact me again.
The Curmudgeon"
__________________
End of story, right? Noooo. Cue Randy..
"Yeah, you rekon you can tell me not to contact you like your some kindo god????? If you aint ready for other poeples comments yo shouldnt put such provocotave comments on reveiws. your just asking for peopl;e to hate you as you must get a sick love from it??????
i see you dont like it when you get some back!!!!! just because you hate so much it dont mean everyone else does and i can tell everone that on AMAZON too.
how can yuo comment on my spellings too????? just cause i aint the best speller???? so what. my typeing sometimes goes a bit screwwy when i get mad and i cant be bothered to go back and change it all too. if you cant read what im saying you must be a real jack-off dumbass.howd ya like that spelling!!!!!!!!
you make me so angry. stop your nasty hate campane on AMAZON it is a great site and idiots like you spoil it for pople who want to enjoy reading the great reveiws. i showed my friends your stupid reiews and your stupid email and they are all lauging at you big-time cause your an idiot. ha ha.
and someone has maled me in AMAZON to tell me that they like my reveiw and tht they think your a dumass too!!! that will be the first fo many i betting. your gonna look so stupid i bet you piss your pants."
And I said..
Hello moron
Yes, I'm the one that's going to be made stupid by
some laughable half-wit with grammer and punctuation
that would make any seven year old child laugh.
Uh-huh, that's going to happen.
Why do you THINK I put my e-mail address at the bottom
of every review, genius? Sit there and think about
that for a few seconds. I make a point of putting it
there, idiot, because I WANT you knee-jerk reactionary
dimbulbs to write in because I'm slating all their
favourite bland, awful things. Just like you did.
Ha ha, I can't BELIEVE you wrote to me to defend a POP
IDOL. Ha ha, how big a loser are you? You think I
can't "take it back"? Wrong - I can take anything you
and your feeble brain can throw at me - bring it on,
you pathetic little dick.
Michelle McManus. Pffff... ha ha, I'm sorry, I think
defending her is very cute. I can't imagine how bad
your CD collection is.
Now go away.
He wouldn't let it lie, would he?
"yes i already said that some people is emailing me and saying your a jackass. i would expect you will see lots of reviews form my new freinds that make yours look stupid!!!!!! you make fun of my spelling again but you are th stupid idiot cause at least what i say is true and you just look stuopid and full of hate!!!!!!
i like michell mcmanus and that is up to me and all her millions of fans what brought her cd. just cause she is a POP IDOL does not men you can dismiss her. i suppose you think that gareth gates was no good too or darius????? they both make great cds and sold millions so how come they are no good???? you just dont understand music or you want to look cool?????? my mom thinks you jkust want attentnoin.
i see you dont like getting it back at ya still even though you say you want it?????? i dont think so dude. i will make you a deal if you take down your dumb reviews i will stop mailing you and i wont make you look so dumb by keep posting my proper reveiws next to yours so poeple can see how dumb you are. ha ha lots of AMAZON members have mailed me to say they like my reviews and they like what i am doing to you. i think you are on the run huh. haha
for yout informatoin my cd collection is sweet and yours suck probably with crap like prince or stuff. i have 19 cds now and they are all proper music and i will be buying two more today. i bet you dont even havethat many you probably only have like 3or4??????
you are the pathtic little dick not me. but i guess you knew that nayway. yee haw"
and I said..
"Dear retard
I'm sorry, I just laughed my ass off at your post. You
have 19 CD's? WOAH! Ha ha, you POOR loser - I have
over 1000, add to that almost 800 DVD's and I think I
make you look a bit of a peasant. 19 CD's.. ha ha ha.
You really are a worthless crumb, you know that? 19.
Oh man.
So by your estimation, everything that sells well is
great, right? So how do you explain the Crazy Frog
single selling so well? Is that a masterpiece?
And how many more records do you think Michelle
McManus will have? I'll tell you, shit-for-brains -
NONE. Her 15 minutes are up, she won a talent show on
TV (because she was fat), then the sheep (that's
people like you) moved on to the next reality show
idiot-fest and forgot all about her. Hence her being
dropped by her record label, hence her having to
appear on a Diet show.
You really have no clue about anything. You are quite
easily the sorriest piece of scum I've ever spoken to.
It'd be funny if it weren't so sad.
nd Mr Skeet just kept coming back...
"your haterd just makes me sad. why do you need to be so nasty.i dont beleive you have so many cds noone has that many!!!! and so what if you have 800 dvds i have 25 different WWF and WWE video tapes which is quite an envied collection so who cares. have you ever wona talent contest and relaesed a single.no. beuase you have no talent except trying to make poeple feel small and so you can feel big. my cousin is a texas ranger so what.
your name doesnt even make sense you are so dumb, i garuntee poeple on AMAZON are laughing at you cause they tell me. they are not lauging at me. my cousin is laughing at you to and he would kick your ass if you ever in texas. he deals with idiots like you evry day and you are nothing."
And I replied..
"Oooooooooooooh 25 video tapes! Ha ha ha, you POOR
scum. Video tapes?! What are you living in, 1987?! I
wouldn't pick up a video tape if it was lying in the
street. Video.. ha ha ha.
And that's funny how "no-one" has 1000 CD's because
I'm sitting right next to five full bookshelves of
them just now, listed A-Z. Sigh, if I had a list I
would send it to you, but never mind. I have every
album Prince, Bowie, White Stripes, Marilyn Manson,
Korn, Placebo, Ash, Terrorvision, Nirvana, Presidents,
Wannadies, Pixies have ever made, (plus oodles of
singles) to name but a few of the bands and artists I
am into. I would name others, but you being a Pop Idol
fan are far, far too ignorant to have heard of any of
them.
I'm sorry you're so broke you can't even IMAGINE
someone having 1000 CD's. I guess some people just
have more money than you do.
Never mind. You feel content to watch your prized WWE
video tapes and listen to your 19 CD's. Ah dear,
sometimes there's just not enough mocking laughter in
the world.
God I'd hate to be poor. What's it like?
Skeet..
"ha ha now youv made yourself look realy stupid because all those cds show what you really are wich is a GOTH!!!!!! now i no why you are so angry all the time because you are a GOTH and knowbody likes them. so what if im not got loads of dollars so what. i bet my trailer looks classer than your dumb apartment and i have ADSL in it too which means my connection will be faster than yours and i could snipe your dumbass from 100 feet on counterstrike. but then you would be too slow to play counterstrike anyways ha ha. my cousin rekons you must be really stupid to read all them cds as they are dumb GOTH music. he says he arrested a GOTH once and beat himn up just cause he was wearing makeup. ha ha
my buddies rekon i have a wicked collection of WWE and WWF tapes and they come over too watch them all the time. your just gealous cause you aint got none and probbly dont even watch wrestling anyway cause it is a mans sport. you probbly watch GOTH TV ha ha my tapes are very rare and i taped them all by cutting out the commercial breaks too so they dont stop whih means yuo can watxch them for hours too. i dont know noone who has got the big collection i have so now you may feel stupid about lauging at them?????
you just keep makeing yurself look dumber ans dumber. keep it coming dude it si so funny i am showing my cousin and my mom and all my buddies your mails and they are laughing at you cause you are so dumb. my mom says you are rude too and that you probbly dont have any buddies of your own and maybe i should try and be nice to you so you could be my buddy as thats the nice thing to do. i said i would never be your buddy even if you begged cause you are so rude and dumb and ruse about overwight poeple whcih is not nice. and you are a GOTH and probbly wanna kill chickens and drink there blood and shit."
I said..
"Sigh. Yet again the great unwashed don't know what a
"goth" is. Tell me this, brainiac..
Is Prince "Goth" music?
Is David Bowie "Goth" music?
Is Bob Dylan "Goth" music?
Is White Stripes "Goth" music?
Is Presidents Of USA "Goth" music?
No, of course not. The only act I can imagine you got
that retarded opinion from is Marilyn Manson, and even
he isn't "goth". Next time get even half a clue as to
what you're talking about.
Oh, and yes, I DO watch WWE actually, never miss it
but if you think it's a "sport" you're sadly mistaken.
Good TV, yes, but sport? Not in this lifetime.
You're kind of boring me now. It's fun to poke fun at
retards for a while, but then it starts to get a bit
tedious. So, no, to finish, I'm not a "goth" as your
ignorant views would have me, and if your friends come
over to watch WWE Video's you must all be more broke
than I first thought.
Ah, wait - ding. Did you say trailer? That's SUCH a
surprise. Scum, scum, scum. Yeech, I wouldn't wipe my
shoes on dirt like you.
And you show your mother these things? And she knows
you call yourself things like "The Curmudgeon Sucks
Balls?" She sounds like one classy lady. I can imagine
that gutter-trash slut has done wonders dragging you
up.
I live in a nice house, actually, that I paid for with
my own money. I have lots of nice things that I paid
for with my own money. You and your sub-human breed
can continue to sponge off the goverment and live in
trailers like the mangy, shit-infested dogs that you
are. And you can continue to think whatever the ****
you like about me - I am ALWAYS going to be just plain
BETTER than you are.
This will be my last response, so feel free to write
whatever poorly spelled drivel you like to me back.
You're not worth any more of my time.
Oh, and Mrs Skeet, if you're reading - you've done a
great job bringing this boy of yours up. Honestly, you
should really be proud. An idiot son in a crappy
trailer park home - well done, you. I can see you've
went far in life. Haw haw.
Don't write to me again.
I think it must have been about forty seconds after that, I stopped and re-read his last post, and I just KNEW it was a joke. It HAD to be. No-one was really THAT ignorant, were they?
So I wrote this..
"Hey
I always said I wasn't going to write back to you
anymore, but - ding - the penny has dropped. This is a
hoax.
Come on then, who is it? Daywalker? Howard? 'Fess up.
I must admit, you had me going for a bit, but it's
when you started sounding like a bad episode of the
Dukes Of Hazzard that I started to get a teensy bit
suspicious. "Lou-Ann" - come on!
So, very good, you did fool The Curmudgeon. So who is
this REALLY?
The Curmudgeon"
And I got this..
"Boy im suprised you even have any buddies to think there havin you on. I dont no what lou-ann said to make you think this is a joke son but i aint laughing none. Dukes of hazzard!!! boy you just come down this way and you see were reallll friendly. especially with a boy who got such a pretty mouth like yours. now you stop messing on my cousin before i make this official Ranger business!
Lt. Ethan Walker"
And I laughed. And laughed. And laughed.
Yes, one of the moderators of DVD Swaps - Daywalker (or Lt. Ethan Walker) had me pulling my hair out for a few solid hours. Commendable work. If only he would join the dark side..
So there you have it. Proof positive that The Curmudgeon CAN indeed be fooled. But that was a total one off, and it'll never happen again.
Ulp.
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