Review 38: Girls Aloud - I'll Stand By You

Skank Anthem.

Hello. I realise this is an American site, so you may not have heard of these particular strumpets before. So let this good ol' British Curmudgeon tell you a bit about them.

Girls Aloud - formed as part of one of those Pop Idol contests, one of the most wretched programs ever made. Now,usually that means The Curmudgeon hates whatever creatures of Hell it spawns - but, surprisingly, not this time. For the people who pull these puppets strings do it incredibly well, giving them sassy, bouncy pop hits packed with fun, attitude and choruses so infectious you may well need a tetanus shot after listening to them.

Did I mention how hot they are as well? No - oh, well, trust me - every single one of them you WOULD. One of the girls, Cheryl Tweedy, has become something of a guy icon over here just now (she was voted second in the Sexiest Girls In The World a few months back).

"So, hang on Curmudgeon - the concept of a reality pop group may be horrific, but if the girls are awesome and the songs good, what's the problem?"

Well may you ask, dear reader. And I'll tell you - THIS song. Every other single they've had has been fine, but this TERRIBLE cover of the Pretender's song makes my teeth itch. OK, take the Pretender's original - simple. soulful, honest and real, then get five honey's who wouldn't know how to write a song if their life depended on it, have them sit on a beach singing it like some kareoke contest from Hell (which I suppose Pop Idol is, really) and make them look like they're auditioning for a shampoo commerical. It stripped the original of any merit and sincerity and was just plain AWFUL.

Worse still, no doubt this tune, as it WAS number one, will have been adopted by the great unwashed as an "anthem" (as I believe the idiots call anything with, like, a chorus). Imagine the scene; some little whore with three different kids blubbing as her car-thief boyfriend gets put away again, THIS will be their song. "You may have a heroin addiction, you may beat me up every night but.. I'll Stand By You". Shouldn't be allowed.